Why I'm Not Afraid of the Chinese or Their Lead-Tainted Barbies

Comedy show this Saturday night!

I'll be performing at The Clubhouse in San Francisco this Saturday night at 9 p.m. with a really great line-up.

Headliner Justin McClure! Last Comic Standing, regular at the Improv in San Jose
Debbie Campo, America 's Funniest Mom Finalist
Marty Grimes, 2nd place Winner of Rooster T. Feathers Contest
Joe Nguyen, Host of Scantily Clad Comedy
Karen Smyth, Women Who Kick Comedy Butt Tour
Kurtis Matthews, Comedy Addiction Tour (and my comedy teacher!)

I'd love to see you there (unless you're my mother, in which case, I'd be horrified to see you there).

Buy tickets now!
$10, no drink minimum. In fact, it's BYOB!

Why I Love the Philippines

Another Thrilla in Manila? Close--it's a Thrilla in Cebu. Only in the Philippines will you see 1500 prisoners dancing in unison to Michael Jackson's Thriller.

I've got a trip planned to the Philippines in October, and I'm tempted to take a side trip to the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center to see the show. With four million views on YouTube, and counting, I'm sure the prisoners' shows would become an instant tourist sensation. Watch your back, Jersey Boys.

I'm not sure if they have any public viewings, but I'm willing to commit a misdemeanor or two just to get in on the action.

Sure, the lead playing Michael Jackson looks as hideous as Jackson's zombie character in the original video, without the aid of any makeup. But he's far better looking than the real Michael Jackson of today.

1500 prisoners dancing to "Radio Ga Ga" might lead one to conclude that the environment can indeed influence one's sexual orientation. But no, they're not all gay. They just lack all the hangups American men have about masculinity. Remember, we're talking about a country where karaoke machines far outnumber Xboxes and the Miss Universe Pageant is must-see TV.

While gay men and transgenders are relegated to separate cell blocks in American prisons "for their own protection," the Filipino dancer playing Michael Jackson's girl is portrayed by someone who appears to be transgender. Pretty progressive. But then again, we've got John Travolta in drag in Hairspray.

But you'll never see Travolta at San Quintin in a nun's habit singing "I Will Follow Him" from Sister Act. Or the Kinsey Sicks version, "I Will Swallow Him." No, you won't see that.

American prison wardens may be tempted to learn a few lessons from the CPDRC. They might learn something about the concept of rehabilitation, but it's going to be a few decades before they're staging Mamma Mia at Pelican Bay.