Are You There, God? It's Me, Rick Warren.

People are atwitter about how Rick Warren will end his prayer at Obama’s inauguration. Will he pray, “in Jesus’s name” like most evangelicals do? Or will he, in a show of inclusion, throw a bone to people of other faiths and pray in the name of “the Almighty”? I’m sure God is just up there in Heaven waiting with bated breath, wondering in whose name Warren will pray on Jan. 20. That’s what prayer is, right, a conversation with God?

Such discussions remind me of one of the many factors that led me to leave evangelical Christianity years ago--the blatant disingenuousness of the oral prayer. For several years, I listened to Christians in church, at camp, and at Bible study spout off in prayer. Some people were really good at it, throwing in lots of stock phrases that prove their mettle as devout believers. To be skillful at prayer is to show other Christians in attendance that you’re a good study, but in reality, it’s just a lot of aping of empty sentiments that merely expose one’s subconscious acknowledgment that God doesn’t actually hear our prayers.

Most of the time that people are praying out loud in a group, they’re not praying to God at all. They’re praying to each other, flaunting their religious tail feathers, only to impress or influence the human beings within earshot.

At the end of Bible study or Sunday school, we’d often sit in a circle, bowing our heads and everyone is subtly encouraged to pray. Someone was designated as the person that would “close.” What resulted, more often than not, was sanctimonious theater, where peer pressure forced everyone to pray something, anything, using those typical stock phrases other better Christians had been modeling for you. If you were in that circle and did not pray, an awkward silence would ensue until the “closer” would finally give up on you, and end the prayer “in Jesus’s name.” And then we all say “Amen.”

A typical prayer would be something like this: “Lord, thank you for the fellowship we’ve had this morning. We feel your spirit among us. Thank you, Lord. Thank you for your son, Lord. For giving his life, Lord. For dying on the cross for us, Lord. And for the wisdom we find in your Word, Lord. We pray that you’ll be with is today, Lord, as we go out into the world, Lord. Keep us grounded in the knowledge of your blessed love, Lord. Thank you.”

Yes, it sounded like nonsense. Because it usually was.

Sometimes, the person praying would veer far from a prayer intended for God’s “ears,” inadvertently referring to God in the third person, then quickly correcting themselves, by throwing in the word “Lord” a lot, to remind everyone that this is a prayer, not an extension of the sermon.

If prayer is what people do to communicate directly with God, then Rick Warren shouldn’t need a microphone, and the rest of us need not eavesdrop on the conversation. It really ought to be a moment of silence. Then, even atheists and agnostics can get in on the act--we can think good, hopeful thoughts that God won’t hear too.

I suppose Warren and all those who have delivered prayers at prior inaugurations spent some time preparing what they would say. If prayer is really talking to God, writing it out seems awfully formal. If God is really listening, Rick should just think his prayer. And why wait for Inauguration Day? Why do messages to God need to be embargoed? If Warren has something to say to God about America, Obama, hope for the future, and an end to poverty and disease, he should say it, er, think it, right now.

And now, a special message for God. Dear God, are you really reading my blog? Wow, that’s a trip. Thanks for stopping by. Lord, thank you for my Facebook fan page and my website, martygrimes.com. And God, I pray that you will guide me at my performance at Harvey’s in the Castro on Tuesday, January 20 at 9 p.m. In your name, I pray. Amen.