Grizabella and her pet guardians/owners

The Santa Clara County Board of Supervisors passed an ordinance last week calling for the word "guardian" to be added to any reference to pet owner in county documents.

I protest. I am not my cat's guardian. I am her 24-hour on-call masseur.

Grizabella knows all she has to do is meow and nudge my arm with her wet nose to get the massage machine to kick in. Sometimes, I think that's the only reason she sticks around.

And that we feed her, groom her and clean up her litter. And serve as a heating pad in the winter. She's got a good thing going here.

Last night she was particularly lovey-dovey, still high from playing with a new catnip toy Robert got for her. If she were a drinker, I think she'd be one of those affectionate "I love you man!" kind of drunks.

Next week is Be Kind to Animals Week, but I doubt our little princess will notice the difference.

Curb my enthusiasm

Isn't this just lovely? Not the Japanese maple, silly. The curb! We're finally done painting the fire lane. When I volunteered to check into the cost of having someone come out to repaint our townhouse complex curbs, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. And I was getting into it myself. I could have gone with the painting company that wanted something like $1,500 to paint a couple of hundred feet of curb, but instead, I volunteered to do it myself, thinking it might be fun way to spend a pleasant Saturday morning. Oh, and I volunteered Robert to help.

Our complex has just 12 units, so when things have to get done, one of us has to step up and coordinate. Normally, it involves calling a company out to take care of the job--cleaning the gutters, repairing a fence, hiring a new landscaper. Rarely does anyone actually do the work themselves. I figure that such a visible job as painting these curbs and saving my neighbors some dough would score me at least two years until it's my turn to take on another project.

Having inherited a bit of my dad's perfectionism, I decided to scrape off as much of the old paint as possible. This, I found, was most effectively done by hand with a metal scraping tool and a wire brush. Once I started, I couldn't stop. Well, I could stop. I got tired frequently and stopped. It rained for 40 days and 40 nights and I stopped. But I couldn't stop what I had started and admit that I had made this harder than it needed to be.

Neighbors walked by and saw me hunched over, scraping, dripping with sweat and proposed various methods that might be easier. One neighbor brought his electric sander out and tried it out on about 50 feet of curb. While a few flakes flung off, I'd describe it as more of a buffing than paint removal. At best, he created smooth, shiny, flaking paint. I thanked him for his contribution to the job, and later scraped his section again when he wasn't looking. Another neighbor pitched in, using a razor blade. His method was fairly effective, but after about two hours, he remembered he had somewhere to go.

The job was left half done for weeks because it rained nearly every day in April. If we had hired a company to do it, no doubt my neighbors would have been up in arms to see scraped curbs left unpainted for weeks. Yesterday, I had the day off, so I put in another four hours and today we finished the job. I have a whole new appreciation for the term "curb appeal."

I've been noticing how poorly maintained many fire lane curbs are. Even in our local swanky mall, the curbs are blackened with tire marks, chipped and flaky. The required 3-inch-high markings of "FIRE LANE" and "NO PARKING" in white lettering which are to be placed at intervals of no less than 50 feet are faded and illegible.

Last night, I dreamt of paint scraping. Paint was flaking off in large strips. I peeled and peeled until an entire wall of paint came off in one piece, giving me the kind of pleasure one gets in peeling an orange and ending up with one solitary piece of orange peel. You don't get pleasure from that? Oh. Maybe it's just me.

While I scraped, I tried to remember the last time I'd really had a hard day of back-breaking work. We don't have much of a backyard and what we have is really Robert's baby. It's been awhile. A masseuse recently commented on how smooth my feet and hands are, completely free of calluses. I recall as a kid that hands like that would be hidden in one's pocket for fear of being ridiculed by classmates who were up with the cows every day. I took pride in having summer jobs that gave me blisters, a farmer's tan, and a reason to wear cowboy boots without looking like a poser. Those days are long gone. I have a masseuse, for Pete's sake.

I also thought about going down to the local Home Depot and hiring one of the dozens of day workers who loiter in the parking lot, waiting for a job. I probably could have had the job done in one day. Unlike me, whoever I had hired probably would not have taken 30 minute breaks every 45 minutes. I'd probably have to pay less than $100. What a strange world we have created where I can pay a guy $100 to work under the hot sun for hours, while I made more than that sitting in a climate-controlled conference room on Thursday afternoon for a quarterly business review meeting where my primary responsibility was to sit and listen.

And I thought about the people who think that it is those willing workers outside of Home Depot who are ruining our economy. And all the people--including me--who take for granted all the hard working immigrants who mow our lawns, clean our dishes, mop our floors and paint our fire lane curbs. We have forgotten how hard a hard day's work really is, if we ever knew at all.

This most recent wave of anti-immigrant sentiment seems to have popped up out of nowhere. All of the sudden, "illegal immigration" has lurched into the top position of social concerns. With the president's ratings down and the Republicans fearing they'll lose one of the three branches of government they dominate, they're pulling out all the stops to create another wedge issue. No surprise. It's worked for them before (Look for the anti-gay marriage amendment to rear its ugly head again soon in a big way).

On May 1, an unknown number of immigrants are planning to skip work to protest proposed federal immigration policies. One of our local business owners is worried that he'll be left bussing tables at his restaurant, A.P. Stump's Chop House in San Jose. In the Mercury News, Mr. Stump said, "I told them I'd terminate them. If they strike, they'll shut me down. I'm loyal to them, giving them two weeks off if they have a baby or something, and that's not showing loyalty if I've got $30,000 in lost business.''

Wow. Two weeks off if they have a baby or something. What a prince. Never mind that the Family and Medical Leave Act requires larger employers to give 12 weeks of unpaid leave for having a baby or something. And how's their medical plan, Mr. Stump? They do get dental and vision, don't they? Do you contribute to their 401(K)? I didn't think so. But you are loyal, not firing them for having a baby and all.

While I plan to be at work on Monday, I'm glad I spend my day off doing some hard work, reminding myself how it is mostly luck that I have the opportunity to choose whether I ever want to work that hard again. Most of the people who will skip work on Monday are doing the best they can with the cards that they've been dealt. While I cringe at the way our economy exploits them, I am awfully glad they are here. In a couple of years, the curb is going to been to be painted again.

Tony Snow was not Bush's first choice

Tony Snow from Fox News will soon take the place of Scott McClellan as the White House press secretary. Snow was not the president’s first choice however. Three other candidates turned down the offer.

The president’s top choice was the silver-tongued, former spokeswoman for the Bartlet Administration, CJ Cregg. When informed that Ms. Cregg is a fictional character on the television show The West Wing, the president was undeterred: “Living in a fictional world for nearly eight years can only be an asset to Ms. Cregg in this position.” After considering the offer, the character responded that she would turn down the offer to spend more time with her fake boyfriend from Thirtysomething.

Second on the list was perky, former Survivor contestant, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who now sits on the sofa at The View. Turning down the offer, she said she would find the position stifling. “I prefer to keep doing what I’m doing, robotically echoing right-wing talking points every morning here on The View. Many more people listen to our ‘Hot Topics’ chats than ever watch those stale White House briefings."

“Plus,” she said, “We just lost Meredith to The Today Show. If were to leave, Ms. Walters would get really mad, and you don’t want to make Ms. Walters mad.”

Next on the list was Teller, the speechless half of the duo Penn & Teller. The Mute Community praised the offer as an encouraging gesture of inclusion. Teller had no comment on the job offer. Upon hearing of Teller’s non-reaction, the president offered to triple the salary. “He’s our man!”

An Epitaph for George W. Bush

First the peaceniks said I was wrong, and I did not listen because I was not a peacenik.

Then the liberals said I was wrong, and I did not listen because I was not a liberal.

Then the international community said I was wrong, and I did not listen because I was an American.

Then the traditional conservatives said I was wrong, and I did not listen because I was not a traditional conservative.

Then the families of fallen soldiers said I was wrong, and I did not listen because there are no soldiers in my family.

Then the soldiers themselves said I was wrong, and I did not listen because I was not a soldier.

Then the centrists said I was wrong, and I did not listen because I was not a centrist.

Then the generals said I was wrong, and I did not listen because I was not a general.

Eventually, there was no one left to tell me I was right but myself.


-------------------------
"Unsuccessful in every effort to find a plausible pretext to attack Iraq, Bush has now conveniently redefined terrorism, and thus his next target, by alleging that selected nations produce 'weapons of mass destruction.' "
--Act Now to Stop War & Erase Racism (A.N.S.W.E.R.) in March, 2002.

"There is clearly a threat from Iraq, and there is clearly a danger, but the Administration has not made a convincing case that we face such an imminent threat to our national security that a unilateral, pre-emptive American strike and an immediate war are necessary. Nor has the Administration laid out the cost in blood and treasure of this operation."
--Senator Ted Kennedy, September, 27 2002.

"A military attack on Iraq is obviously criminal; completely inconsistent with urgent needs of the Peoples of the United Nations; unjustifiable on any legal or moral ground; irrational in light of the known facts; out of proportion to other existing threats of war and violence; and a dangerous adventure risking continuing conflict throughout the region and far beyond for years to come."
--Former U.S. Attorney General Ramsey Clark in a letter to the United Nations on Sept. 20, 2002.

"France will vote 'no' because she considers tonight that there is no reason to wage a war to reach the goal we set ourselves, that is the disarmament of Iraq."
--French President Jacque Chirac, March 10, 2003.

"The price of U.S. occupation of Iraq, the price of U.S. empire in the Muslim world, is terror. The Islamic terrorists of 9/11 were over here because we were over there. We were attacked by suicide bombers in New York for the same reason that our Marines were attacked by a suicide bomber in Beirut. We took sides in a religious civil war, their war, and they want us out of that war. The fifteen hijackers from Saudi Arabia did not fly into the World Trade Center to protest the Bill of Rights. They want us off sacred Saudi soil and out of the Middle East. Is there anything over there--oil, bases, empire--worth risking an atomic bomb on U.S. soil?"
--Patrick Buchanan in Where the Right Went Wrong, Sept. 1, 2004.

“The reasons for war were wrong. They were lies. There were no WMDs. Al Qaeda was not there. And it was evident we couldn’t force democracy on people by force of arms.”
--Mike Hoffman, of Iraq Veterans Against the War, as quoted in Mother Jones, Oct. 11, 2004.

"We are losing our best and our brightest in a country that we are destroying, that was no threat to the United States of America. Iraq was and still is no danger to our safety and security, or to our way of life. The weapons of mass destruction and mass deception reside in this town: they are the neocons who pull the strings and the members of Congress who have loosened the purse strings with reckless abandon and have practically given George and company a blank check to run our country into monetary and moral bankruptcy."
--Cindy Sheehan, Sept. 15, 2005

"The argument for going to war with Iraq was based on intelligence that we now know was inaccurate. The information the American people were hearing from the president -- and that I was being given by our intelligence community -- wasn't the whole story. Had I known this at the time, I never would have voted for this war."
--Senator John Edwards, Nov. 13, 2005 in The Washington Post.
"I now regret that I did not more openly challenge those who were determined to invade a country whose actions were peripheral to the real threat--Al-Qaeda."
--Lieut. General Greg Newbold in Newsweek, April 17, 2006.

"...In the lead-up to the Iraq war and its later conduct, I saw, at a minimum, true dereliction, negligence and irresponsibility; at worst, lying, incompetence and corruption.
--Gen. Tony Zinni, former commander in chief of United States Central Command in The Battle For Peace.

What’s not to like about Senator Russ Feingold?

Like most Americans, I hadn’t given much thought to Wisconsin Senator Russ Feingold. After he was first out of the gate to censure the president, he caught my attention—not because that was such a bold move, but because so few Democratic leaders joined his effort. I can’t fathom voting for a presidential candidate that wouldn’t support censuring Bush for ordering illegal wiretaps. Then on April 4, he came out in favor of marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples.

Who is this guy? A Democrat with conviction and the guts? That sounds like just what we’ve been looking for. A Democrat who doesn’t have the albatross of supporting the Iraq war before he opposed it hanging around his neck. A Democrat who didn’t have to write an op-ed piece to say that he was wrong to support the war on Iraq, because he wasn’t wrong. Hillary Clinton, Joe Lieberman, Tom Daschle, John Kerry and John Edwards were wrong, but Feingold was right all along. We ought to reward that kind of wisdom and discernment.

John Kerry must cry himself to sleep that he wasn’t the one who spoke these words in October 2002:

We are about to make one of the weightiest decisions of our time within a context of confused justifications and vague proposals. We are urged, Mr. President, to get on board and bring the American people with us, but we don't know where the ship is sailing.

Feingold spends a lot of time listening to Wisconsinites on the issues. He’s held nearly 1,000 “listening sessions.” With all that listening, he may be more in tune with Americans than all those Democratic senators who let him hang out to dry on the censure resolution would have us believe.

Here are some other reasons to like this guy:

1. After we got into the mess in Iraq, Feingold was the first Senator to call for a flexible timetable to get our military out of Iraq, a notion that has been building steam.
2. He’s long supported the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, which will finally prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity. Believe it or not, it’s still legal to discriminate against gays and lesbians in employment in 34 states.
3. My man Feingold helped balance the budget in the 90’s and now fights for a return to a budget discipline.
4. Feingold has fought for increased funding to combat AIDS, tuberculosis and malaria around the world.
5. What little the U.S. has done to address the genocide in Sudan has been largely due to Senator Feingold’s initiative.
6. Feingold cast the Senate's lone vote against the USA Patriot Act. Many of the concerns he had about infringing on precious liberties are now widely shared. Again, the man had the guts to go against the tide, standing on principle, even when it was unpopular at the time. He’s consistently ahead of the curve.

Bonuses:

• Good hair
• Good teeth
• Doesn’t scream at rallies

And now a reality check.

Reasons our sorry electorate won’t elect Senator Russ Feingold in 2008:

• He opposed the USA Patriot ACT.
• He’s a Rhodes Scholar and Harvard-educated lawyer.
• He opposes the death penalty.
• He’s been divorced—twice.
• He’s not Christian.
  

In God Many Of Us Trust

Sure, it sounds innocuous enough. A plaque, funded entirely from donations, is placed at the Hawthorne, California city hall to commemorate the 50th anniversary of our nation's motto. How could anyone object?

Our national motto, though adopted only 50 years ago, has been printed on various U.S. coins since 1866. This motto is inscribed prominently on the dais of the U.S. House of Representatives. A simple resolution and a plaque sounds like a great way to commemorate an event of historical significance. It's a no brainer, right?

That motto, which you'll find now on every U.S. coin in your pocket, every bill in your wallet, is "In God We Trust." Those five words are so ubiquitous, they could hardly offend. To no surprise, the city council of Hawthorne, home of The Beach Boys, passed the resolution unanimously.

Examine the history of the motto may give one pause. Take 2006 and subtract 50 years and you can guess what was going on when Congress and Eisenhower decided to make "In God We Trust" the national motto. In the midst of the McCarthy communist witch hunt, atheism was equated with communism. That was the same decade "under God" was added to the Pledge of Allegiance and "so help me God" was tacked onto oaths of office.

Our original motto, E Pluribus Unum, is still on the Great Seal of the United States. That motto communicates unity--Out of many, one--and was chosen by Thomas Jefferson, John Adams and Benjamin Franklin. Remember that next time you hear a justification of the encroachment of religion in government with the claim that our forefathers would want it that way. Joseph McCarthy and Roy Cohn are not our nation's forefathers.

No, our forefathers did not put "In God We Trust" on our coins. The idea resulted from a request from Baptist minister Mark R. Watkinson, who in 1861 wrote to the Secretary of the Treasury to suggest that a religious motto be put on coins to "relieve us from the ignominy of heathenism." From the beginning, the motto had a clear religious meaning and purpose. Are you concerned yet?

Certainly, the fine members of the Hawthorne City Council aren't part of a vast conspiracy to theocratize our nation. Or, are they? The American Family Association is behind a campaign to get "In God We Trust" posters in every school as "a reminder of the historical centrality of God in the life of our republic." Yes, the AFA. The same AFA that rails against gay rights and boycotts Target for greeting shoppers with "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." Now are you bothered?

Posters promoting religion in public schools is one thing, but how did this campaign jump to the Hawthorne City Council? For that, give credit to religious conservative Bakersfield Councilwoman, Jacquie Sullivan. It was Sullivan, founder of "In God We Trust America" who sent an e-mail to every city clerk in California about her goal to exhibit the motto in city buildings all over California. In the newspaper, The Record, she's said "God has always had an important place in our country. We are basically a country of believers, and this is something that's good for the future of our country."

Yes, basically a country of believers...except for those who aren't.

The idea for the motto originated during the Civil War with Baptist minister Mark R. Watkinson, who wrote to U.S. Secretary of the Treasury Salmon P. Chase on Nov. 13, 1861, suggesting the religious motto. Watkinson argued that a religious phrase on coins would "relieve us from the ignominy of heathenism."

The motto has passed legal muster because it does not promote a particular religion. But it does promote religion. With federal funding for faith-based service providers, "intelligent design" lessons in biology classes and a thousand other examples of the promotion of religion in the public square, we've lost the notion that the First Amendment protects Americans right to not express a religion.

It's not just the fact that not everyone believes in God. A lot of people may believe in a divine force behind the universe without believing that we all should "trust" that force to guide our puny lives. If President Bush hadn't trusted that God was guiding him, maybe he wouldn't have been so cocksure about invading Iraq. If he trusted in reason, maybe he wouldn't have stalled progress on stem cell research. If our fearless leader trusted in science more than a belief that the end times are near, maybe he would take global warming seriously.

We atheists and agnostics are not a popular bunch. Never mind the Buddhists, Hindus and various others whose ideas of deity do not fit the Judeo-Christian mold. But we have one of our founding fathers on our side. James Madison championed the separation church and state and warned of the tyranny of the majority oppressing the rights of minorities. The father of the Constitution and the Bill of Rights is with me on this. If Madison were sitting on the Hawthorne City Council, the Honorable Councilwoman Ginny Lambert's resolution would have had at least one quite eloquent dissenter.

"The purpose of separation of church and state is to keep forever from these shores the ceaseless strife that has soaked the soil of Europe with blood for centuries."

And,

"I believe there are more instances of the abridgement of freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments by those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations."

Be bothered.

My Chevy Tahoe Ad

Lots of folks are having a ball creating their own Chevy Tahoe ad. As part of a promotion with The Apprentice, you (yes, you!) can create your own Chevy Tahoe ad using a collection of video clips. The fun part is you can add your own snarky text.

Well, I don't think my entry is in the running.

SoCo and WaMu? WhaTheHe!

Giving yourself a hip nickname and hoping it catches on strikes me as a desperate act. What would you think if I went around calling myself Flash or El Guapo? When people started calling Ben Affleck BenLo and Bennifer, it was cute. If he had started calling himself BenLo, that would have been sort of sad.

These things are supposed happen organically. Only after "FedEx" had become a common verb did Federal Express change its name. Sure, KFC was eager to drop "fried" from its name, but everyone called it that by the time they changed their logo. Target has enough dignity not to play along with the French pronunciation (Tar-zhay) despite its popular usage.

So I reject Southern Comfort's attempt to re-brand itself as SoCo. I suppose they think drunks are struggling with the two extra syllables and they are losing market share to Jim Beam. Or maybe they're trying to make inroads in Yankee states. Did they even stop to check what soco means in Portuguese? (I did. It means punch as in blow, jab).

Their new ad must have aired six times during last week's SNL re-run. Ah, there's another one. We all call it SNL, but NBC generally uses the full name. Can you imagine? "L, from New York, it's SN!"

Even more hokey, Washington Mutual Bank now wants us to call it WaMu. Its new headquarters in Seattle is called the WaMu Center. As hip and now as WaMu might sound (see San Francisco's SoMa and New York City's SoHo), I'm not moving my accounts there.
I'll stick with BofA. And that's not "Bee of Aye" like most people call Bank of America. I pronounce it "BOE-FA." And if that catches on, I won't even mind if the bank starts using it too.

Newsflash: Live-in Nanny Was a Man

The Today Show covered a story yesterday about a kidnapping in Tennessee. Erika Sadowski was arrested on Saturday after she was found with the two children, 15 hours after they were reported missing. Sadowski has lived with the family for the last five years, caring for the children.

About 800,000 children are reported missing in the United States every year. So why would The Today Show find this so newsworthy? The story is not newsworthy, but it is sensational. Ms. Sadowski, it turns out, is biologically male, but has lived as a woman for the past 20 years, which was news to the children's mother.

Like their staple scare stories about the next epidemic or unsafe cars, NBC seemed to be sending out a public service warning that she-males may be walking among us where we least suspect it. Watch out!

Unfortunately, making fun of transgender people is still fair game on network news, Felicity Huffman's Transamerica notwithstanding. The report likened Sadowski to Mrs. Doubtfire, showing clips from the 1993 comedy which has Robin Williams dressing in drag to land a nanny job caring for his own children. The local sheriff quipped, "Let's just say Robin Williams had a much better makeup artist."

The look on Katie Couric's face after the story finished seemed to say, "Screw this garbage. CBS Evening News, here I come." I may be giving her too much credit, but I just want to believe that she was disgusted at the insensitivity of the story.

The Knoxville NBC station seems to have zero understanding of transgender issues. "Edward Sadowski was arrested in Dyersburg over the weekend and was listed as Erika Sadowski at the time," the station reports, even though Sadowski legally changed her name to Erika 20 years ago. There's no evidence that Sadowski was out to deceive anyone or that she lived as a woman just to get a babysitting job. She's a transsexual, not a transvestite.

The Associated Press apparently has yet to distribute its new edition of the AP Stylebook to its own journalists. The 2006 edition has this new entry:

transgender Use the pronoun preferred by the individuals who have acquired the physical characteristics of the opposite sex or present themselves in a way that does not correspond with their sex at birth. If there preference is not expressed, use the pronoun consistent with the way the individuals live publicly.

Yet the AP story published in the Knoxville News Sentinel included this: "Sadowski apparently changed his name sometime around 1986 after being discharged from the U.S. Air Force after a 20-year career, according to a background check."

When someone is arrested for a heinous crime or discovered doing something stupid, few people rush to defend them against ridicule. There are a lot of idiots who are playing for my team that I would just as soon trade to other side. I could do without any association with conservative White House "reporter" and gay prostitute Jeff Gannon. Matt Lauer would have had to call him a limp-wristed sissy to get a rise from the gay community. Serial killers like Andrew Cunanan and "Monster" Aileen Wuornos did nothing to advance gay and lesbian acceptance. Maybe this is why I have yet to find any response to the Sadowski story from the transgender community.

Without defending the alleged crime, why is it so scandalous that Sadowski was not born a woman? The implication seems to be twofold: that transsexuals are unfit to care for children and that transsexuals are obligated to disclose their gender history lest they be deemed deceitful.

It's too bad so few people will ever see Transamerica. In it, Felicity Huffman's character, Bree, makes the point that, "Just because a person doesn't go around blabbing her entire biological history doesn't make her a liar." Throughout the film, we understand that Bree is just trying to live her life with dignity and authenticity.

Though it's none of anyone's business, Sadowski apparently has not undergone sexual reassignment surgery, though through hormone therapy, she has some feminine characteristics. Prison guards discovered this during a strip search. Given that she's been working as a nanny, I would conclude that she has never had the money to complete a gender reassignment surgery.

Nevertheless, she clearly identifies as a woman. The media should respect how she identifies her gender and leave the sensationalism to Jerry Springer. NBC owes the transgender community an apology.

Denial denied

It's over. I can't fake it any longer. I'm amazed that I've been able to keep myself in the dark as long as I have. My ability to deny the obvious was stunning. The facts were right there blaring their ugly truth right at me.

Here's the ugly truth: my favorite burrito at ¡Una Más!, the Gallito, is killing me softly. Focusing on the tasty grilled chicken breast and the fresh tomato salsa, I had convinced myself that this little piece of heaven was an acceptable part of a healthy diet. Never mind the huge flour tortilla, the handful of jack cheese and the half-cup of guacamole.

Hey, it's not McDonalds or Taco Bell. Now that's junk food, I reasoned. There's no drive thru at ¡Una Más! No plastic toys to lure children. No meal deals or super-sizes. I perceive ¡Una Más! as wholesome, fresh, quasi-Mexican food.

The thing is I've been going down to my local ¡Una Más! Mexican Grill about once a week before heading to the gym where, as it turns out, I'm only burning enough calories to cover the first three bites of my precious Gallito.

After looking at the nutritional information, I found out that all this time I'd have been better off skipping the gym entirely and grabbing an 8-piece Chicken Tender from the BK.

As it turns out, if I'd chosen TWO cheeseburgers from In-N-Out Burgers, I'd still consume fewer calories. I could have the six-piece boneless spicy chicken wings from KFC and have fewer grams of fat.

990 calories.

Just under 1000, as if the restaurant cut ten calories in an attempt to enable my denial even further. No, the party is over. My Gallito is packing 60 grams of fat! More than the huge Costco muffins I've been avoiding for years. More than three slices of the Pizza Hut Meat Lovers pizza.

I know--everthing in moderation. But, the only way my Gallito can fit into a balance diet is if I take up marathon running or bulimia. That ain't going to happen.

Adios, dear, dear Gallito. I'll miss you.

More Abu Ghraib Atrocities Revealed

Yesterday, Salon.com posted the most complete yet of photos and videos documenting abuses at the Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq. Along with the now-familiar images are dozens of newly released ones taken over just a few weeks in 2003, illustrating just how sadistic conditions were. Salon.com concludes that the only thing unique about this collection may be that a trail of photographic evidence exists.

After they followed the trail of an odd liquid seeping under the locked door of a shower room, Corporal Charles Graner and Spc. Sabrina Harman found recently deceased Iraqi detainee, Manadel al-Jamadi, who died during a CIA interrogation hours before. Forget claims that these photos were used to intimidate other prisoners--these sick puppies snapped 30 photos of the dead guy on ice.

Their weirdness tends to obscure the disturbing questions about the prisoner's death. In the morning, the CIA stuck an IV in the corpse and wheeled him out to avoid calling the attention of Iraqi detainees and guards. As Salon.com reports, no one at the CIA has been prosecuted, even though al-Jamadi's death was ruled a homicide. Furthermore, to date no high-level U.S. officials have been brought to justice in a court of law for what went on at Abu Ghraib.

Just three days after her necrophilial photo session, Spc. Harman was forcing naked prisoners to form human pyramids. She only got a six month prison sentence while the infamous Pfc. Lynndie England got three years for her thumbs-up antics.

Meanwhile, Condoleezza Rice praised the budding democracy of Indonesia on Tuesday for its new commitment to human rights and stated, "Great democracies, like Indonesia and like the United States, cannot turn a blind eye to those who still live under oppression." I wonder how that talking point plays in Darfur and Chad these days given our country's tepid response to the genocide there.

The U.S. has a long way to go before regaining the moral authority to point out the human rights abuses of others. With an administration that refuses to rule out torture, that long journey isn't likely to begin any time soon.

Da Vinci Code: Truth or Fiction?

If you're confused, just ask the Catholic League.

On Monday, the arch-conservative Catholic League, placed an ad in the New York Times, urging Ron Howard to put a disclaimer at the beginning of The Da Vinci Code noting that the movie is a fictional account. As a reward, the organization's far-right president, William A. Donohue got to appear on the Today Show on Wednesday.

After Donohue appeared on the Today Show last November and claimed that the Catholic Church's pedophilia problem could be resolved by routing out all the gay priests, I was surprised he'd get another invitation. I would have thought Mr. Donohue would be relegated to Fox News and The 700 Club where inflammatory, malicious rhetoric has found a cozy home.

For the movie's producers, the Times ad is nothing less than great publicity. Hell, Sony Pictures might just slap a "Coming This May" banner on top and run the ad a few more times themselves. Keep talking, Mr. Donohue, and we might be looking at a record opening weekend.

I read The Da Vinci Code just recently. I found it fascinating that there were many more than four gospels, more than four accounts of the life of Jesus. Mortal human beings ultimately decided which ones would make it into the New Testament. The novel says that some of those gospels portrayed Jesus as a wise, noble, but mortal man.

I don't know how much of Dan Brown's story is true--the fictional narrative is interspersed with some measure of historic truth--but it did inspire me to learn more about the historical Jesus and the early Church, beyond what has ended up in the Bible. Alas, the juicy proposition that Jesus and Mary Magdalene had a thing going on doesn't seem to hold water.

Donohue's gripe is that fable is mixed in with story lines that could be confused as fact. I understand his concern. Donohue is correct that "the consequences are real" when people are led to believe that a fable is incontrovertible fact. Indeed, graveyards around the world are filled with the fallen victims of zealotry rooted in fable. It follows that Donohue would agree that the Book of Genesis warrants a similar disclaimer, knowing all we know now.

The missing disclaimer may be why a majority of Americans believe that "God created man exactly how the Bible describes it" according to a Gallup report released Wednesday. How this majority explains away dinosaurs, carbon dating and fossil records is beyond me. Evolution needs its own set of evangelists. But those of us in the minority have better things to do with our time than to argue with people who start and end every philosophical argument with "I believe it because the Bible says it's so."

The pollster concludes that "several characteristics correlate with belief in the biblical explanation for the origin of humans. Those with lower levels of education, those who attend church regularly, those who are 65 and older, and those who identify with the Republican Party are more likely to believe that God created humans 'as is,' than are those who do not share these characteristics."

I have no doubt that humans have evolved, but it looks like the process has come to an abrupt halt.

New poll: Bush's Job Approval at All-Time Low

Cheney only slightly more popular than bird flu

We thought it couldn't happen. We thought Bush could count on 37 percent of Americans supporting him no matter how miserably he performed. But with the UAE port deal and more bad news coming out of Iraq, even conservatives are turning on the president. This week, his approval rating slipped to 34 percent.

The CBS headline writers' biggest challenge is finding a new way to announce that Bush's ratings are continuing to sink.

Today: "Bush Ratings At All-Time Low"
Jan 26, 2006: "Poll: Bush's Approval Remains Low"
Nov. 3, 2005: "Bush's Job Approval Hits New Low"
Oct. 6, 2005: "Poll: Bush Ratings Hit New Low
June 16, 2005: "Bush's Approval Ratings Stay Low"
April 18, 2005: "Poor Marks For Bush, Congress"
May 24, 2004: "Worst Poll Numbers Ever For Bush"
May 12, 2004: "Bush Ratings Fall Amid Iraq Woes"
Jan, 17, 2004: "Poll: Bush's Approval Sinking"
Oct. 2, 2003: "Poll: Bush Ratings Fall Further"
Sept. 17, 2003: "Poll: Bush Iraq Rating At New Low"

Bush's only consolation is that only 18 percent of Americans have a favorable opinion of his sidekick, Dick Cheney. I figured the vice president would enjoy 20 percent support no matter what he did, short of getting drunk and shooting Republican septuagenarian lawyers.

For some perspective on how miserable those ratings are, consider that 17 percent of blacks had a favorable opinion of Michael "heckuva job" Brown a week after Katrina hit. And when President Richard Nixon resigned, his approval rating stood at 24 percent.

Let me repeat that: Nixon was more popular when he resigned than Dick Cheney is today.

It's raining cats and blogs

Trevor Butterworth in the Financial Times:

The vast wasteland of verbiage produced by the relentless nature of blogging is the single greatest impediment to its seriousness as a medium. . . It renders the word even more evanescent than journalism; yoked, as bloggers are, to the unending cycle of news and the need to post four or five times a day, five days a week, 50 weeks of the year, blogging is the closest literary culture has come to instant obsolescence. . . a virtual tomb for a billion posts.

Ouch. That dude is NOT going on my blogroll.

A happy birthday greeting from eHarmony

Date:	Sun, 26 Feb 2006 09:08:30 -0800 (PST)
From:	"marty grimes"
Subject:	Re: Birthday Greeting from eHarmony.com
To:	usersupport@eHarmony.com

Dear Dr. Warren,

Thank you for the birthday greeting. However, I
question the sincerity of your sentiment given that
you do not offer your matching services to gay and
lesbian people.

But that's OK. You have every right to exclude people
seeking a same sex relationship. After I read that you
have had strong ties to James Dobson and Focus on the
Family, I shudder to think how you would mangle the
lives of any gay or lesbian single that did sign up
for your service.

Though I doubt that you care, I do have love and
companionship to celebrate, no thanks to you.

Truly,

Marty

--- userservices@eharmony.com wrote:

> Dear Marty,
>
> All of us at eHarmony want to wish you a HAPPY
> BIRTHDAY!  We think it is important, on your special
> day, to reach out and tell you how proud we are to
> be involved with you.  It's exciting to contemplate
> the strong likelihood that in the coming months
> you'll have even more love and companionship to
> celebrate.
>
> Thanks for being a part of eHarmony and for taking
> so many positive steps toward finding your soul
> mate.  If you have any questions or comments, please
> contact us at usersupport@eHarmony.com.
>
> In the meantime, I hope this birthday is your best
> one yet.
>
> Neil Clark Warren
> eHarmony Founder

In Search for an Analogy for Iraq's Pending Civil War

When I try to make sense of the world I often turn to analogies. Law, psychology, science and the blogosphere all rely heavily on the use of analogy. I'm constantly grasping for an good visual analogy to illustrate a point. For example, to help illustrate his character, I liken Karl Rove to the nearly indestructible, evil Agent Smith in the Matrix films.

So, I naturally look for an analogy to grasp the continuing debacle in Iraq. Now that Sunnis are blowing up sacred Shi'ite shrines and Shi'ites are responding by blowing up Sunni shrines, I think this might just be a really good time to call it a day and go home. The country is on the brink of civil war, and it's rarely a good move to get caught in the middle of somebody else's civil war. The analogy is this: It's like when you go to a couple's house for dinner, and before you can even hand over your bottle of merlot, you sense that they were fighting before you got there.

At first you notice the somber moods and then some icy stares between the two. They start saying snide things to each other over dinner. You compliment the new leather sofa and one of them says, "Thank you. I'm glad somebody likes it." And the other one says, "Well, somebody forgot that we have a cat so enjoy the couch now because within the week, it'll look like it'd been on a quail hunting trip with Dick Cheney." (Note the bonus analogy within an analogy.)

Then after awhile, things go from bad to worse. "Fred" explodes and screams that "Alice" can go to Hell. Alice responds by throwing her wine glass across the table, pegging Fred in the cheekbone and splattering your shirt with merlot.

What do you do? You stand up, stretch your arms, look at your watch and exclaim, "Gee, it's getting awfully late. We better get going. Thanks so much for having us." And you're out the door.

Iraq is just like that. OK, maybe not exactly like that.

We weren't exactly invited guests to Iraq. Despite continuing violence and unrest, most Iraqis are eager for the U.S. military to go away: Almost a quarter of Shi'ites want the U.S. military out in six months, another half want a gradual withdrawal over the next two years. A whopping 83% of Sunnis favor withdrawal within six months. Adjusting my analogy, Shi'ite Fred protests little when you announce it's time to go. Sunni Alice has been standing by the door holding up your coats for you since before the bruschetta was served.

To further alter my analogy, Fred and Alice might be arguing, but they are united in their disdain for you. Among Shi'ites, 41% approve of attacks on U.S.-led forces on Iraq. Almost nine of every 10 Sunnis support such attacks. Alice may chuck a wine glass at Fred, but she's got a hefty bucket full of wine glass shards by her side with your name on them.

But, who are we kidding? Fred and Alice aren't married. They despise each other and always have. They are like Richard Dreyfuss and Marsha Mason in The Goodbye Girl. (I know it's an obscure old movie, but my TiVo just recorded it for me over the weekend, so work with me.) Elliot and Paula are forced to live together in New York City after Paula's boyfriend dumps her and sublets the apartment to Elliot without her knowledge.

So the Sunnis and Shi'ites are like Elliot and Paula. If you found yourself in their midst during one of their shouting matches, and if Paula were to stomp a hole into Elliot's guitar, your instinct would be to leave post haste, but you might also try to help restore peace by offering to pay for Elliot to get a new guitar, especially if you were responsible for much of their woes. In all-too-rare positive gesture, this is, in effect, what the U.S. has done in offering to help restore the holy sites.

But unlike the predictable ending to The Goodbye Girl, these two will never break down and fall in love. Ultimately, that analogy blows.

OK, I've got it. The Shi'ites and the Sunnis are like bitter prison cell mates, forced to live within inches of one another in squalid quarters. Their tempers are short and if the other so much as sneezes the wrong way, fists will fly. And this is no Kiss of the Spider Woman prison story where the two end up falling in love.

When the inevitable battle ensues, the last place you want to be is in the cell with them. You might stand outside the cell and intervene if things get really ugly, provided you can do so without getting yourself maimed in the process. That's the Congressman John Murtha strategy--get out of Iraq now and stage a small force in Kuwait.

Alas, my analogy is still far-fetched, disregarding the fact that the ill-conceived U.S. invasion is responsible for most of the chaos. Instead, I think I'll go with Murtha's, as he laid it out on 60 Minutes in January:

"That election of course is being trumpeted as being so important to democracy. When I came back from Vietnam in 1967, they had an election. It was supposed to set the stage. It was supposed to legitimize the government, if you remember. And we lost 38,000 people after that. Now, I don't say that this has the same intensity and that we'’re gonna lose 38,000 people. But I'm just saying there'’s a lot more things have to be done if you'’re going to have a democratic government," says Murtha.

Vietnam is not a perfect analogy, but as we find ourselves in the middle of a potential civil war, it seems more relevant, and cautionary, than ever.

Sarah Vowell's pessimism deficit

Now, I've got to figure the New York Times is serious about getting people to pay to read the excellent writing of Sarah Vowell, since it's locked up in a section of their website dubbed TimesSelect. I'm not one to scoff at copyright laws, so I couldn't bring myself to reprint it here without permission.

Fortunately, fbihop op-eds holds no such scruples. Enjoy.

Let's Make a Deal or No Deal!

NBC has a new hit with the game show "Deal or No Deal" with host Howie Mandel. When it returns on Feb. 27, the show will air five days a week.

Modeled after "Let's Make a Deal" without any goofy costumes and purse scavenger hunts, "Deal or No Deal" distills the game show format to the core attraction, pure chance.

Contestants choose one of 26 briefcases. As each round progresses, the contestants choose whether to stick with their suitcase, which contains a hidden amount of money, or a cash prize offered by the "bank."

"There's no skill," Mandel said. "You can be a rock and move into another cash bracket."

Contestants are encouraged to ask friends or family in the audience for advice as they play. I suppose the dialogue goes like this:

Contestant: Howie, I'd like to consult my Aunt Ramona.

Howie (in a little kid's voice): OK, Aunt Ramona, what say you?

Aunt Ramona: Billy, I think you should choose briefcase number 12. I feel really strongly that that's the one with the million dollars.

Contestant: How sure are you, Aunt Ramona?

Aunt Ramona: I'm 85 percent sure that it's briefcase number 12.

No more tedious trivia questions, pricing games or word puzzles. Finally, a game show that gives prizes as randomly as a slot machine. Add in a comic who used to be funny and 26 female models holding briefcases and America is sold! Honey, pop us some corn, cancel the gym membership--we've got us some Must See TV.

Emboldened by the show's success, NBC has cleared away queued up mid-season replacement shows for a new slate of intriguing game shows.

On Tuesdays, watch for the debut of "Flip A Coin" with host Joe Piscopo.

Wednesdays at 9, don't miss Suzanne Somers hosting "Eenie Meanie Miney Moe."

On Thursdays, ER has been abruptly cancelled to make room for an exciting new show with Daisy Fuentes called "Pick a hand."

Finally, your Friday nights won't be complete without an hour of "Win, Lose, or Draw a Straw" with your host, Nick Lachey.

John Kerry's Greatest Asset: Millions of E-mail Addresses

Every few weeks, an e-mail from John Kerry pops up in my inbox. They're always the same. He rants about the Bush Administration and touts his own initiatives in the Senate. Every letter ends with a handy "Make a Contribution" button. I haven't hit that button since the 2004 election.

Sure, I donated to the Kerry campaign in 2004 and spent the last four days of the campaign in Vegas helping to get out the vote. But that was then. Kerry does a lot of things I like, but he wasn't my first choice. He was what we were stuck with, and I would have campaigned for a lawn chair, if that was the only chance we had to beat Bush/Cheney.

After the 2000 election, Al Gore wisely took a long vacation, grew a scraggly beard, gorged on Haagen Dazs, and sank into relative oblivion for a few years. As he emerged from whatever banyan tree he'd been sitting under, Gore found his voice, ripping into the Bush Administration on MLK Day, to broad acclaim.

Kerry hardly took a nap before he started campaigning for 2008. He's now far from my first choice, and I don't want to do anything to encourage the guy. The sad thing is he still thinks we're buddies.

So this morning, he IM'd me, and I finally laid it all out for him.

kerry2008: you there?
etnaboy: Yeah, what's up?
kerry2008: have you been getting my e-mails?
etnaboy: Sure have.
kerry2008: you've never responded.
etnaboy: Well, it's not like they're just to me.
kerry2008: i know! i've got 3 million email addresses. isn't that great?
etnaboy: Yes, John, that's super.
kerry2008: how come you never donate? we used to be so close.
etnaboy: Yeah, about that.
kerry2008: whatever happened to us?
etnaboy: Remember Million Dollar Baby?
kerry2008: yeah.
etnaboy: Remember how Clint Eastwood was all excited about training a promising boxer until the boxer dumped him? And Clint was left with no one to train? And then Hilary Swank came along, and begrudgingly, Clint eventually agrees to train her and gives her his all?
kerry2008: yeah?
etnaboy: Well, you and I are like that. Except that Hilary Swank actually won some fights.
kerry2008: and that promising boxer, was that Howard Dean?
etnaboy: Bingo.
kerry2008: but then she got smacked up and Clint had to help her end her life.
etnaboy: You've got it.
kerry2008: so you're saying i should just pull the plug on this campaign?
etnaboy: I do support euthanasia.
kerry2008: oh, ic.
kerry2008: can't you just give me one more chance.
etnaboy: Dude, I've gotta go.
kerry2008: Pleeeeeze???
etnaboy: John, don't beg. It's pathetic.

-kerry2008 has logged off.-


Tags: John Kerry, Democrats, 2008 election.

Welcome "Best Gay Blogs" readers

Best Gay Blogs linked to here today, so while you're here, let me point you to some older posts you might like better than some of the drivel I've written lately.

I'm a bit obsessed with Brokeback Mountain, but I'm not alone in this:

A Brokeback moment at 35,000 feet

Y'all might appreciate how I would have changed Ennis and Jack's awkward sex scene (my one and only attempt at erotica):

"Jesus Christ, quit hammerin and get over here. Bedroll's big enough," said Jack in an irritable sleep-clogged voice. It was big enough, warm enough, and in a little while they deepened their intimacy considerably. Ennis lumbered into the tent and plopped on the bedroll and finally dozed off, grateful for the warmth emanating from Jack's body. Unable to find a fitful sleep with Ennis lying so close to him, Jack was groggily aware that Ennis's leg had entwined between his own. With sleepiness and the haze of whiskey still clouding his judgment, Jack seized Ennis's hand and brought it to his erect cock. Ennis jerked his hand away as though he'd touched fire and pulled his leg out from between Jack's calves. Jack, fully awake now, fretted silently that he'd committed an unforgivable trespass that would ruin everything. But the fire in Ennis's own loin had been ignited. Moments passed, and Ennis, shaking with nerves, took Jack's hand to the bulge in his jeans. Jack held his hand still there, astonished to sense Ennis fumbling with his own belt buckle and pulling his pants down. Freed from the terror that his earlier overture had been unwelcome, Jack worked Ennis like he'd done to himself many a night up on the mountainside alone, peering down at Ennis's campfire below. Ennis reciprocated, albeit in a frantic manner, as if in a rush to finish the deed before he could come to his senses. They went at it in silence except for a few sharp gasps, then out, asleep.

You should know, I'm not a size queen, but small things bug me.

And finally, something about my insecurities:

Weight just a second!