I went to see my new doctor today, but before I did, I had to go through the usual routine of filling out forms, getting my temperature and blood pressure checked, and . . . the dreaded weigh-in.
The nurses aide had me on the scale before I could even set down my sunglasses. Don't they teach these people the proper way to weigh a person? I was wearing heavy shoes, a thick belt, slacks, a shirt, underwear and not one, but two socks. Hanging from my belt was a hefty Blackberry, and in my pockets, I had my wallet (overstuffed, notably), my keys, a pager and 55 cents in change (and not two quarters and a nickel--it was two nickels, four dimes and five pennies!).
The aide scrawled down a horrific number that I have never seen appear on my scale at home. This was not me! No subtraction for everything I was packing. No consideration that Thanksgiving was just a week ago.
Not to mention the fact that I had just come from lunch and had lots of sushi and miso soup and a glass of ice water (that's 12 ounces right there) and several cups of green tea, which is good for you, for Pete's sake. I was late, so I hadn't gone to the bathroom. Plus, I haven't had a haircut in more than six weeks.
This was exactly opposite of the proper way to weigh oneself. At home, I don't step on the scale except on an empty stomach, in the morning, before I shower (wet hair is heavy hair), after I use the toilet, stark naked.
Then the aide asked how tall I am and ran her finger across a chart. Her finger passed over the white boxes, beyond the gray boxes and into the black boxes and stopped. "Your Body Mass Index is 30," she huffed. Now my Kaiser chart officially says that I am, yes, obese. OBESE!
Well, I never. There's no allowance for all the deep knee bends I do while I'm brushing my teeth--that's got to be worth five or ten pounds of lean muscle mass. Muscle is heavier than fat, you know. No consideration for push-ups and shoulder presses and bicep curls.
The BMI chart says my normal weight should be 173 or less. Listen, if I weighed 173 pounds, I would look like I had just spent 39 days on Vanuatu going to tribal councils and eating a fistful of rice a day. I could be mistaken for an Olsen twin.
I just weighed everything I had on and it amounted to five pounds. Just those five pounds would have pulled me into the "overweight" category. That I can live with. I could afford to lose 10 or maybe 15 pounds. But the federal governments says I should lose twice that, even considering my true, empty stomach and bladder, naked weight.
This BMI stuff just not working for me. It's messing with my mind. I like my method for assessing my weight--if I can get into the denim Hard Rock Cafe shorts I've had in my closet for more than 10 years, then I know I'm doing OK.
The next time I go into that clinic, even if I've got a case of avian flu, I will have fasted for 12 hours whether they need to do blood work or not. I'll be wearing nothing but shorts, a tank top and flip-flops. And, my nails will be clipped and my eyebrows will be plucked.
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9 comments:
Don't let them get to you. Medical people suck, they always have to try and find something wrong with you.
Boy oh boy, I sympathize with you, Marty. I do the same morning weigh in, but not before brushing all the heavy scum from my teeth, peeing as much as possible, removing my watch, trimming my nails, shaving as close as possible, trimming my mustache and nose hairs, and removing naval lint. Then I take in a big, bouyant breath and ease onto the scale as if it were thin ice on a mountain lake. If I weigh more than I think I should, I chalk it up to new muscle.
Pop,
I'm very obsessive of how the scale is placed on the floor and how I step onto it, one foot at a time.
BTW, to determine my BMI, the nurse asked me how tall I was. If I'd have been on my toes (so to speak), I would have added 2 or 3 inches to adjust for her entirely faulty weigh-in.
BMI is technically a somewhat flawed system of measurement anyways.
It doesn't take into account your percent body fat and therefore people with a very low percent body fat and a lot of muscle mass are usually "overwieght" or even "obese" in extreme cases.
If you feel healthy, and are happy with the way you look, don't worry about what the nurse says.
BMI is technically a somewhat flawed system of measurement anyways.
It doesn't take into account your percent body fat and therefore people with a very low percent body fat and a lot of muscle mass are usually "overwieght" or even "obese" in extreme cases.
If you feel healthy, and are happy with the way you look, don't worry about what the nurse says.
Lol, Marty, and Uncle Tom, you guys crack me up. Uncle Tom and I were just talking about bmi a couple of months ago. Small World. I am considered obese also, for those reasons, Marty, and I say: to hell with them, lol. No, seriously though, I think that I am doing fine, just need to excersise more, and tone up this fat, and I will be doing great, regardless of how much I weigh. Same goes for you, and your dad, blah to bmi! lol. See you at christmas?
Hey Kelli,
Now that you know of my anxieties, I'll depend on you to hold me back when I'm heading for another serving of my mom's brocolli casserole.
See you then.
Try to remind me of that when I head for a second helping of Grandma's pea salad, lol....or pie for that matter...haha
ha-ha-ha. this is so funny, marty.
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