JonBenet Ramsey Suspect

I swear that's the same pencil-necked dude I saw working at Geek Squad in San Jose. They should look into that.

His mugshot with the Boulder County Sheriff's Department was just released. You have to love their up-lighting effect to make the suspect look as creepy as possible. Nice job! "Enjoy your chardonnay on the plane ride, Mr. Kerr? Good. Smile!" Time magazine won't even have to Photoshop it! Maybe they can add an audio clip to it with a sinister laugh--"Huah, huah, huah!"

You think you're some sort of comedian?

I took the leap. A crazy, nutty leap. For the past few weeks, I've been a fully matriculated student of the San Francisco Comedy College. Having fulfilled all of the admissions requirements--the check cleared--I began learning the art and science of funny under the tutelage of longtime comedian Kurtis Matthews, in July.

And now, I'm preparing for my graduation show at Rooster T. Feathers at 156 W. El Camino Real in Sunnyvale on Saturday, Sept. 2 at 4 p.m. I'll be one of about a dozen graduates, each given seven minutes to perform. I've learned that I get a lot more laughs when there are actually other people in the room, so I encourage my friends to show up and plan to have a good time.

What's my act about? Well, I can only tell you what it's not about. You can rest assured there'll be no watermelon smashing, no Jack Nicholson impressions, no confetti throwing and most importantly, no trans fats.

That's my time. You've been a great audience. Tip the wait staff, and drive safely.

Where the heck have I been?

My apologies, dear readers. I have been busy helping a close friend, Clark Williams, with his campaign for San Jose City Council. Clark is going to be a hard-working, effective, ethical representative for the neighborhoods of his district. Until election day on Nov. 7, I probably won't have much time to write here. If you would like to help Clark's campaign in any way, please let me know.

Hop on the "Mel Gibson's an Ass" Bandwagon!

Here, let me give you a hand. Just push that clarinet player over a bit. Welcome to the bandwagon! It's about time you realized Mel Gibson is an obnoxious, bigoted ass and unworthy of your entertainment dollar.

I've known that since 1992. Here's why (and I apologize that quoting Mel Gibson will result in the most profane language that has ever appeared in this blog):

In 1992, Gibson was interviewed by the Spanish newspaper, El Pais.

Asked about the stereotype that actors are usually gay, Gibson stood up, grasped his buttocks, and declared, "This is only for taking a shit...They [gays] take it up the ass." He then asserted his heterosexuality in a curiously defensive tone. "Do I look like a homosexual?" he demanded of the reporter. "Do I talk like them? Do I move like them?"

I may be the only guy you know who never saw Braveheart, The Man Without a Face, or What Women Want. I never saw the last two Lethal Weapon movies. Passion of the Christ? Need you even ask?

That's because, unlike this recent anti-Semitic incident, Gibson did not apologize, did not claim it was "the booze talking," and did not appeal to the gay community for help. He did not ask to meet with leaders of the gay community with whom he "can have a one-on-one discussion to discern the appropriate path for healing."

If this is the end of Mel Gibson's career, that's a good thing. That his blatant anti-gay remarks 14 years ago weren't enough to do the job is a real shame.