When three of the Republican presidential candidates admitted they don't believe in evolution, I thought they were far outside of the mainstream. But then these two humpback whales get lost on the Sacramento River, and people suddenly reveal that they have no faith in evolution at all.
I'm all for saving the whales, but let's impose some criteria here. Let's save the smart whales. These are stupid whales, people. I say give natural selection a chance. These whales think they are salmon.
Lt. Gov. John Garamendi is behind the save-the-whales-at-all-costs effort. To make sure school kids all over would cry in hysterics if/when they die, he named them Delta and Dawn.
Garamendi also helped herd another dumbass whale, "Humphrey" back to the sea 22 years ago. Humphrey was sent back to the ocean where he probably made more baby whales. In fact, I wonder if Humphrey is Delta's demented father. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
I do feel bad for Dawn. Her mother is an irresponsible parent. They shouldn't call her Dawn. They should call her Britney.
And now, we're trying to get Delta and Dawn out to sea where they can continue to pass on their mutant, stupid-whale gene to new generations. Pretty soon, we're going to have dozens of Delta's progeny heading to Sacramento.
These dumb-whale-huggers are out of ideas on how to cajole Delta and Dawn to swim back to the bay. They've tried banging on pipes and playing sounds of orca whales, because killer whales are a predator of humpbacks.
I have an idea. How about actual killer whales. We can end this thing right now. And that would be some compelling visuals to boot. For that, I'd trek up to Rio Vista myself.
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