Every few weeks, an e-mail from John Kerry pops up in my inbox. They're always the same. He rants about the Bush Administration and touts his own initiatives in the Senate. Every letter ends with a handy "Make a Contribution" button. I haven't hit that button since the 2004 election.
Sure, I donated to the Kerry campaign in 2004 and spent the last four days of the campaign in Vegas helping to get out the vote. But that was then. Kerry does a lot of things I like, but he wasn't my first choice. He was what we were stuck with, and I would have campaigned for a lawn chair, if that was the only chance we had to beat Bush/Cheney.
After the 2000 election, Al Gore wisely took a long vacation, grew a scraggly beard, gorged on Haagen Dazs, and sank into relative oblivion for a few years. As he emerged from whatever banyan tree he'd been sitting under, Gore found his voice, ripping into the Bush Administration on MLK Day, to broad acclaim.
Kerry hardly took a nap before he started campaigning for 2008. He's now far from my first choice, and I don't want to do anything to encourage the guy. The sad thing is he still thinks we're buddies.
So this morning, he IM'd me, and I finally laid it all out for him.
kerry2008: you there?
etnaboy: Yeah, what's up?
kerry2008: have you been getting my e-mails?
etnaboy: Sure have.
kerry2008: you've never responded.
etnaboy: Well, it's not like they're just to me.
kerry2008: i know! i've got 3 million email addresses. isn't that great?
etnaboy: Yes, John, that's super.
kerry2008: how come you never donate? we used to be so close.
etnaboy: Yeah, about that.
kerry2008: whatever happened to us?
etnaboy: Remember Million Dollar Baby?
kerry2008: yeah.
etnaboy: Remember how Clint Eastwood was all excited about training a promising boxer until the boxer dumped him? And Clint was left with no one to train? And then Hilary Swank came along, and begrudgingly, Clint eventually agrees to train her and gives her his all?
kerry2008: yeah?
etnaboy: Well, you and I are like that. Except that Hilary Swank actually won some fights.
kerry2008: and that promising boxer, was that Howard Dean?
etnaboy: Bingo.
kerry2008: but then she got smacked up and Clint had to help her end her life.
etnaboy: You've got it.
kerry2008: so you're saying i should just pull the plug on this campaign?
etnaboy: I do support euthanasia.
kerry2008: oh, ic.
kerry2008: can't you just give me one more chance.
etnaboy: Dude, I've gotta go.
kerry2008: Pleeeeeze???
etnaboy: John, don't beg. It's pathetic.
-kerry2008 has logged off.-
Tags: John Kerry, Democrats, 2008 election.
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2 comments:
Marty, I share your frustration with the constant emails from John Kerry.
It's almost like hearing from a bad one-night stand. I would rather just put the entire campaign behind me and blame the cheap sordid affair on a cheap bottle of champagne.
In 2003, I was so eager to defeat Bush that I gave money (and my email address) to just about any Democrat running for President.
So, in addition to John Kerry, I remain on the email lists of Wesley Clark, John Edwards, Elizabeth Edwards and Dick Gephardt. These old romances haunt me from time to time but nothing like John Kerry.
My relationships with former Democratic candidates for President are like my relationships with old boyfriends. They ALWAYS call back.
Good analogy.
I just want Kerry to give me back my varsity letter jacket and to stop dedicating songs to me on that "Delilah" radio show.
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