To San Francisco Gay Pride We Will Go

Once again we are going to San Francisco Pride. I've probably been to Pride 10 times out of the 15 years I've been out. I should be invigorated and inspired to join hundreds of thousands of people to celebrate our freedom and rally for equality, but I find myself dreading it.

We're going to a brunch at our friends' house (the good part) and then heading to the parade and festival (the part I'm dreading). After waiting in a 20-minute line to pee in a Fiberglas hut, eating a $6 teriyaki chicken thigh on a stick, I'll shoulder through a boisterous crowd of hundreds of thousands for several hours, returning home exhausted and sunburnt, leaving any feelings of invigoration and inspiration way back on Market Street. Staying home, working the Sunday Times crossword sounds much more appealing.

Not all "the gays" go to San Francisco Pride every year. Someone has got to keep the rest of the Bay Area fabulous today. Contrary to popular belief, it's not an obligatory annual pilgrimage. No one's taking attendance, anyway, so they can't confiscate anyone's gay card for missing the event.

I'm one of those people who tries to keep expectations low, so if we see something truly fascinating, it'll be doubly rewarding. If, as I suspect, the parade and festival will be surprisingly similar to every other San Francisco gay pride parade I've been to, I won't be terribly disappointed.

Last year, we made the effort to squeeze ourselves over to the main stage to see one of the headliners. A free concert with a band I've heard of is kind of a treat. But now I can't even remember what band it was, but I do remember that they only played two songs I'd ever heard of, and the acoustics at the Civic Center were atrocious. At least it was something to look forward to.

I checked the billing to see what I could anticipate for tomorrow. Well, it's slim pickings. Danny Glover is one of the bigger names. He'll be on the main stage, but I have no idea what kind of act he has. Will he narrate a documentary film?

Jennifer Beals is one of the grand marshals, but unless she gets out of her convertible and pulls me over the barrier to teach me how to flashdance, I can't get myself excited about that.

Other grand marshals include a friend, Robert Bernardo, announced as "the first openly-gay Jewish, Filipino commissioner in the City of South San Francisco." Really? The first? Well, it's about bloody time. Thank you, Robert, for breaking down the walls for all the rest of the openly-gay, Jewish Filipinos aspiring to serve as commissioner in the City of South San Francisco.

We'll go around the festival and probably run into some old friends we haven't seen since, well, we bumped into them at last year's festival.

There. I think I've sufficiently lowered my expectations.