Saturday, November 26, 2005

Weekend Update 11-26-05

The fake news:

Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey have finally confirmed they are breaking up. The couple released a joint statement that "This is the mutual decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other." However, the amicable tone has already begun to break down. The two cannot agree on what to call their new MTV reality show that will follow their divorce proceedings. Apparently Lachey objected to Simpson's choice: "Nick's Career is Over."

Privately, Nick told friends that the last straw was when Jessica refused to allow Nick's vegan Aunt Silvia to bring a tofurkey to Thanksgiving dinner unless she could demonstrate that it was killed humanely.



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This week former FEMA director Michael Brown announced his plan to start his own disaster preparedness consulting firm. His first client is a company destined for disaster: the Michael Brown Consulting Firm.



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Pilots diverted a United Airlines flight traveling from Orlando, Florida, to Washington, DC, this evening, after a passenger lit a cigarette and urinated in the aisle. Federal authorities apprehended the traveler upon landing, proving that Karl Rove is not above the law after all.

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