Boycotts of America

Fifty years after Rosa Parks ignited the civil rights movement in Montgomery, the governor of Alabama has called for another boycott. Not of Microsoft or Wal-Mart, but of a much smaller, feckless entity, the island of Aruba, because of its government's lack of action in the Natalee Holloway case.

While boycotts still can pack a punch, the Aruba boycott hasn't hurt tourism there, even though Bill O'Reilly has also boycotted the island. But his boycott list is so long, even the website Boycott Watch can't keep up. He's recently called for boycotts of Abercrombie & Fitch, Pepsi, Canada and anything from France, which apparently isn't an easy commitment to make. More than a year into it and Boycott Watch still hasn't figured out if Louis Vuitton is a French company.

No matter. The knock-offs you can actually afford are made in China anyway. Oh, but wait! We've got to boycott those too because terrorists make money on counterfeit goods. Drat. I guess we'll have to find some other reason to visit Bangkok.

I think you can tell a lot about a person by what they are boycotting. When I was single, I always thought that a Match.com profile should include a question about it. Imagine how many first dates end before they start because someone shows up wearing a fur or innocently orders a Coors.

I could screen a lot of people out based on what's on, or not on, their list. I think I could date someone who shops at Wal-Mart--I'm pretty sure my partner, Robert, does when I'm not looking--but I don't think I could look past a guy who pulled into an Exxon station. If he isn't bothered that the company doesn't offer domestic partnership benefits, he should at least be concerned about a company that thinks that the only problem with global warming is that people will need less heating oil.

If, on the other hand, someone refused to sleep on a Tempur-Pedic bed because the company sponsors Bill O'Reilly's radio show, they may be a little too politically correct for me. Ditto for someone who leaves his airplane pretzels uneaten because Eagle Brand is owned by Anheuser Busch, which also owns Sea World, which displays kidnapped dolphins for entertainment.

I probably have a longer list than most, but I'm hardly militant about it. I haven't knowingly eaten a Domino's pizza since I lived in a dormitory, but honestly, I have lost track of why. Something about political contributions to pro-war fetuses.

Did I neglect to see "War of the Worlds" because I thought Tom Cruise had become such a nut or were we just too busy to get to the theater? While I haven't seen a Mel Gibson movie since he made homophobic comments to a Spanish newspaper in 1992, I wouldn't cross you off my Christmas list if you still like the guy.

Some groups force me to boycott because I'm restricted from using their services anyway. Include on that list eHarmony (which doesn't do same-sex match ups), Westboro Baptist Church and the Boy Scouts of America. Hey, you can't ban me. I ban you!

I don't really miss any of the products I'm boycotting. Some of them certainly don't miss me either. I never spent any money at Abercrombie and Fitch, but after they were sued for discriminating against Asian employees and printing up racially insensitive T-shirts, I deliberately don't spend money there.

Does it count as a boycott if I never purchased their products in the first place? For the record, I'm also boycotting African diamonds, crack cocaine and anti-ballistic missiles systems.

While my boycotts are mostly for my own sense of good karma, big corporations are keenly aware of how a large-scale boycott can affect the bottom line. Wal-Mart reacted quickly after the Catholic League called for a boycott a couple of weeks ago. They were offended by the response from a customer service representative who tried to explain the reason why the store greets shoppers with "Happy Holidays" rather than "Merry Christmas." Within a day of the boycott announcement, the representative was summarily canned.

No doubt there's a PR intern at Wal-Mart headquarters whose job it is every morning to google the words "boycott" and "Wal-Mart." Nothing to see here, newbie. Move on to the next hit. Go on. Shoo!

You don't have to worry about me. I can't even keep Robert from shopping in your lousy store.

Weekend Update 11-26-05

The fake news:

Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey have finally confirmed they are breaking up. The couple released a joint statement that "This is the mutual decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other." However, the amicable tone has already begun to break down. The two cannot agree on what to call their new MTV reality show that will follow their divorce proceedings. Apparently Lachey objected to Simpson's choice: "Nick's Career is Over."

Privately, Nick told friends that the last straw was when Jessica refused to allow Nick's vegan Aunt Silvia to bring a tofurkey to Thanksgiving dinner unless she could demonstrate that it was killed humanely.



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This week former FEMA director Michael Brown announced his plan to start his own disaster preparedness consulting firm. His first client is a company destined for disaster: the Michael Brown Consulting Firm.



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Pilots diverted a United Airlines flight traveling from Orlando, Florida, to Washington, DC, this evening, after a passenger lit a cigarette and urinated in the aisle. Federal authorities apprehended the traveler upon landing, proving that Karl Rove is not above the law after all.

A lot to be thankful for

Coast redwoods, wisteria, job stability, CalPERS, Lasik, Madonna’s new album, TiVo, affordable California wine, Jon Stewart, Canada, Spain, Massachusetts, Gavin Newsom, grilled salmon, Thai food, Brokeback Mountain, Jimmy Carter, Molly Ivins, California’s LGBT Democratic Caucus, Unitarians, my Blackberry, lilac, digital photography, Lean Cuisine spa cuisine classics, Trader Joe’s, Mediterranean climates, Prairie Home Companion, Wait! Wait! Don’t Tell Me!, bubble tea, yoga, people who read my blog, people who link to my blog, towel service at the gym, parking spaces in San Francisco, Senate Rule 21, soy milk, queso manchego, Gay-Straight Alliances, PFLAG, clean air, clean water, Vancouver, epicurious.com, coral reefs, Anderson Cooper, LOGO television, bamboo flooring, and presidential term limits.

And for reals: Robert (my partner), my family, my cat, my friends, my health.

Take your man to see Brokeback Mountain!

Your husband, boyfriend or Match.com date needs to see Brokeback Mountain. You must insist that he see this movie. Beg. Plead. Withhold sex. Do whatever you need to do. Watching two cowboys get it on will do him good.

If he resists, drop this line on him: “I’d wonder about the sexuality of a man who isn’t secure enough to watch a gay-themed movie.” In a world where straight men have evolved to be cool with pedicures, moisturizer and plucking their eyebrows, they can certainly get over their issues with a little same sex nookie on the big screen.

Yeah, sure, he laughs at Will & Grace, but his queasiness with male affection is why Will has had about as much on-screen romance as Jessica Fletcher. We’ll never have a truly open society until straight men get over their visceral reactions to seeing two men kissing.

Most people, especially men, are still way too hung up over man-on-man action. Heath Ledger, who plays the role of Ennis, knows why some men are uncomfortable with the movie. “I suspect it’s a fear that they are going to enjoy it,” he told Newsweek. “They don’t understand that you are not going to become sexually attracted to men by recognizing the beauty of a love story between two men.” Ladies, give your man permission to shed his macho veneer for two hours. And bring enough tissue for both of you.

The buzz is that this is a universal story of love that anyone can appreciate. You don’t have to be gay to relate to a gay love story any more than you have to be straight to cry at the end of Titanic. I didn’t watch As Good As It Gets just to see Greg Kinnear play the prototypical gay neighbor. I’m gay, but I could relate when Harry met Sally. Jerry Maguire had me at hello too.

In Details magazine, Jake Gyllenhaal, who plays Jack, observes that the movie would have made just as much sense if his character had been a woman. Yes, but I’ve seen that movie—about a thousand times. It’s our turn.

I’m so excited about this movie, I can hardly see straight. Yes, I want to see some hot, steamy love scenes, but even more than that, I want to see your boyfriend cry.

Weekend Update

The fake news:

Former Mousketeer, Christina Aguilera, has married music executive Jordan Bratman in a Saturday evening ceremony in Napa Valley. Security was extremely tight, on the mistaken assumption that anyone cared.












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President Bush visited Mongolia on Sunday to thank the country for its vital role in the broad U.S.-led coalition in Iraq. Bush praised the 131 Mongolian troops in Iraq for successfully fulfilling their mission: goat herding duty.









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On Friday, Senate Republicans refused to take a vote on a proposed resolution honoring the musical career of Bruce Springsteen and the 30th anniversary of his blockbuster album "Born to Run." The snub is apparently due to Springsteen's support of the Kerry/Edwards campaign in 2004. "We don't have time for these kinds of resolutions. We have serious work to do," said Majority Leader Bill Frist. In other news, the Senate passed a resolution today naming John Ashcroft "World's Best Singer Ever."

Could this be the dawn of a new day?

Today Mark Morford tempted readers to flirt with the notion that maybe, just maybe, the tide is beginning to turn. Democrats in Congress have finally grown a pair. Senators are using obscure rules to demand accountability and shouting on the Senate floor. John Edwards admits he was wrong to vote for the war and Jimmy Carter is pointing out how un-Christian our country has become. Most Americans are beginning to see the light that the rest of the world has always seen. Bush's approval rating continues to drop like an IED hucked into a hotel compound in Baghdad.

For a moment, I imagined we were in The Lion King and that scene is just starting where rain begins to fall on the parched barren earth, sprouts of green grass emerge. Animals and birds come out from the shadows as the glowing sun begins to rise. It's a new day! Cue the hopeful, glorious music and the joyful chorus of renewal. The evil imposter king has been dethroned. Simba has brought peace and prosperity back to the Serengheti.

Hold on there, Rafiki. We're not there yet. Our "Scar" is still in the White House and he and his band of hyenas are far from defeated.

It was a nice moment, but we can't bust out with a "Hakuna Matata" chorus just yet.

What Would Jimmy Do?

A book called Our Endangered Values: America’s Moral Crisis and written by an avowed evangelical Christian is an unlikely addition to my nightstand. But after hearing President Jimmy Carter eviscerate the Bush Administration for taking American down a path of moral destruction, I decided I needed to buy his newest book, if only as a gesture of thanks.

Even if the book were crap, I reasoned, at least a few bucks might go towards a 2-by-4 for Habitat for Humanity. I’m confident Carter isn’t socking away book profits to buy a big yacht or a Major League baseball team.

Given Carter’s reputation for thoughtful reflection and industriousness, I was expecting an excruciatingly researched Michener-sized tome, but instead found a small book, barely cracking 200 pages with unusually large type, oversized margins, and not one endnote. I guess some people are beyond listing their sources—ex-presidents and bloggers.

My childhood memories of Carter are vivid: peanuts and bright smiles, then over time, gas shortages, inflation and hostages. No more smiles. Just an ashen, spent, broken man.

When I saw images of him on the roofs of Habitat for Humanity houses, I thought he literally took up carpentry. After such a dismal presidency, it seemed he just wanted to skulk away to Georgia and do something low key and safe. Safe is good after such a humbling defeat. I imagine that Michael Brown is studying up to be a barista right about now.

But in fact, Carter has been a tireless promoter of human rights, public health, democracy and justice all over the world, winning a Nobel Peace Prize along the way. That’s all well and good, but this may be the crusade of his life. As a former president and a Christian himself, Carter is in a plum position to point out the utter immorality of the fundamentalist and neoconservative agenda that has destroyed our standing in the world.

It’s good to know that at least some of my core values are shared by an evangelical Christian. Among other things, Carter is outraged that America gives so little to impoverished countries (16 cents of every $100 in gross national income), refuses to join the rest of the industrial world to reduce carbon dioxide emissions, has turned its back on anti-nuclear proliferation agreements, engaged in torture of detainees and adopted an immoral policy of preemptive strike.

I still can’t go along with Carter on many issues; he still opposes federal funding for reproductive service, which simply means reproductive freedom is denied to the poor. And you’ll never make it to my short list of true heroes as long as you profess that same-sex behavior is sinful, no matter what the circumstances. “Love the sinner, hate the sin” is a huge step over stoning us to death, but it’s still dehumanizing and condescending.

But as far as public policy goes, Carter supports civil unions. He wonders why the fundamentalists are so concerned about homosexuality but have little to say about divorce, another big biblical no-no. An authentic reading of the Bible would point toward the need for a constitutional amendment banning divorce rather than gay marriage. On both issues, Carter is a pragmatist—most Americans condone divorce and the right for same sex couples to live their lives without governmental intrusion, so we best just leave the constitution alone.

When an evangelical Christian exposes the immorality of the fundamentalism that has led our country astray, it helps restore my faith in faith.

Product Placement for the Classics

Ever since E.T. collected a fistful of Reese's Pieces, corporations have been foisting their products on us at the movies. They've become far more obvious and shameless. Marketers particularly love Tom Hanks, I've noticed. The full title should have been Cast Away, brought to you by Wilson and FedEx. In The Terminal, the Borders Bookstore logo filled the screen for half the movie, and Burger King was credited for keeping the poor exile from starving to death.

We already pay 12 bucks to get in and we sit through 10 minutes of commercials before the movie. This is not good for the art of cinema. Here's my vision of what some of the classics might look like if they were made today:

I'm a Believer!

I heard Pat Robertson say today on the 700 Club that the nation should stop worrying about the rights of a small minority of agnostics and atheists who, after all, don’t believe anything.

Actually, Pat, I believe in a lot.

• I believe in truth, justice, humility, service, and compassion.
• I believe evading nuclear arms control agreements is immoral.
• I believe giving only 0.17 percent of our GDP for assistance to developing countries is immoral.
• I believe stopping condom education and distribution campaigns in Africa is immoral.
• I believe doing nothing about global warming is immoral.
• I believe detaining people for months, and now years, without charging them with a crime is immoral.
• I believe torturing prisoners at Abu Ghraib, Guatánamo and who knows where else is immoral.
• I believe detaining and torturing Pakistani children is immoral.
• I believe sending prisoners to countries where we know they will be brutally tortured is immoral.
• I believe assassinating Joseph Wilson’s character is immoral.
• I believe outing his wife as a CIA operative is immoral.
• I believe engaging in a campaign to debunk evidence you know is actually true is immoral.
• I believe manupulating and withholding evidence to convince Americans to support a preemptive attack on another country is immoral.
• I believe invading a sovereign nation that poses no immediate threat to our nation is immoral.

These are my morals, and I didn't need an organized religion to form them. These are my values. And I believe that most Americans share these values, not those of Pat Robertson and the right wing fundamentalists who are running our country into the ground.

At what price, abstinence?

Cervical cancer, which afflicts about 10,000 American women a year and kills nearly 4000, could soon become history. Scientists are testing a vaccine that, so far, is highly effective in preventing infection with the virus that causes most cervical cancer. As Ellen Goodman discovered, this is not welcome news for those who have been using the disease to promote their religious agenda for sexual “purity.”

For the abstinence-only camp, preserving virginity until a proper, traditional marriage is far more important than preventing a deadly disease. Leslie Unruh of the National Abstinence Clearinghouse remarked, “I personally object to vaccinating children against a disease that is 100 percent preventable with proper sexual behavior.” And they'll define what's "proper," thank you very much. The group’s mission is “to promote the appreciation for and practice of sexual abstinence (purity) until marriage through the distribution of age appropriate, factual and medically-referenced materials.” Public health? Disease prevention? Preventing death? Not so much.

Needless to say, these folks are not talking about waiting until same-sex marriage. To qualify for the millions of dollars Bush has funneled to abstinence-only programs, curricula must emphasize that “a mutually faithful and monogamous married relationship is the standard for sexual activity.” These curricula have nothing to offer gay youth except to say, “Don’t be gay.” Well, that’s not going to happen, so the gay youth, who are at high risk for HIV, are left without the life-saving skills that greatly reduce the risk of infection.

The wait-until-marriage crowd always claims that abstinence is the only 100 percent effective protection against sexually transmitted disease. But, as the Alan Guttmacher Institute points out, abstinence is an effective method, but only when it’s used perfectly. In real life, people slip, or deliberately abandon pledges of abstinence. For those that have been taught that condoms are ungodly and ineffective, the abstinence message ultimately results in more unsafe sex, not less.

But proselytizing to American teens is not enough to satisfy the neo-puritans. They’ve taken their message of chastity on the road—to Africa. Continuing to prove he’s the best ex-president ever, President Jimmy Carter is laying into the Bush Administration and a conservative Congress for reversing public health successes in countries like Uganda. It’s a little surreal to hear the famously Baptist Carter talk about promoting condoms—but here’s one old fellow who realizes that his own religious beliefs should not interfere with public health.

In the 90s, Uganda addressed its exploding AIDS epidemic with a program preaching “Abstinence, Be faithful, and Condoms.” According to Carter, the highly successful campaign reduced the rates of HIV infection from 13 percent of the adult population down to 6 percent. But the Bush Administration and the social conservatives in the Congress came along with abstinence-until-marriage campaigns, ignoring the fact that many married men carry the virus. The result is that the rate of infection has again increased to 9 percent.

Abstinence-only programs, at best, can claim to delay sexual activity among a few people in the margin, and only for a few months, on average. But the people far from the margin, those who don’t respond to the abstinence message, those who are sexually active, do not deserve death when we have the ability to prevent it. It’s time to leave public health to those who actually care about public health.

Weekend Update

Here is some more fake news for you:
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On Friday, President Bush struck back at critics who claim he misled the country into war, asserting that “more than 100 Democrats in the House and the Senate voted to support removing Saddam Hussein from power. We all had access to the same intelligence that my administration fabricated.”

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Saturday Night Live, in its 31^st season, continues to draw praise for its ethnically diverse cast. Commented Executive Producer Lorne Michaels, “Our show is richer and appeals to a wider audience with multicultural performers. That’s what I’ve always believed…and that Asians aren’t funny.”

When reminded that former cast member Rob Schneider is half Filipino and half Jewish, he remarked, “Yeah, well, I think we can all agree that I hired the Jewish half.”

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The cardboard box was inducted into The National Toy Hall of Fame on Friday because the cardboard box ignites the imagination like no other toy. Snubbed again this year—mashed potatoes and boogers.

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In spite of all the obesity warnings, fast food is making a comeback in America. KFC is doing so well, the company is considering bringing back its original name, Kentucky Fried Chicken. Following suit, Burger King is pondering a name change to The Lard Hut and McDonalds may become McFatAss.

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Author Nicole Ritchie acknowledged on the Today Show that the main character in her new
novel, Chloe Parker, is loosely based on her own life. Like Nicole, Parker is privileged party girl who cannot write worth a damn.

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California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger decided to end his year-long fight with the state's nursing union, but only after having his well chiseled ass handed to him on a platter on Tuesday. Said an unusually contrite governor to the nurses, "C'mon now. I didn't mean to hurt you. It won't happen again. It's just I was under a lot of stress. And you made me mad. You know I love you."

All My Ex's Can't Live in Texas

Oh, Texas. Just when I thought y’all were so hospitable and welcoming after Hurricane Katrina, you roll up the welcome mat for gays and lesbians.

As if I needed another reason to stay away from Texas, this week voters there overwhelmingly passed a constitutional amendment to deny same sex couples the right to marry. Not that they needed to. Texas already passed its “Defense of Marriage Act” in 2003. So why the amendment? Because the folks behind these marriage amendments—now passed in 19 states—are hell-bent to bar any legal recognition of same sex couples. That means no civil unions, no “marriage-lite,” no domestic partnership recognitions.

It’s too bad prominent Texans who support a state’s right to establish civil unions were silent on the proposition:

“I don't think we should deny people rights to a civil union, a legal arrangement, if that's what a state chooses to do so…I view the definition of marriage different from legal arrangements that enable people to have rights…States ought to be able to have the right to pass laws that enable people to be able to have rights like others.”

Who said that? Ann Richards? Molly Ivins? No, ‘twas none other than President George W. Bush, in an interview on ABC before the 2004 election, but I don’t recall seeing any “No on Prop. 2” signs on the lawn of the White House.

I think Bush has probably forgotten about this stand as he sucks up to the religious right like never before (ahem, flip-flopper). The anti-gay movement will most certainly use this win to push for a measure to ban gay Texans from being foster parents, to strip public workers in Dallas and Travis County of domestic partnership rights and to re-ignite the push for an federal constitutional amendment banning marriage equality forever.

Next stop? California. Not one, but two anti-gay initiatives will soon be circulating for signatures in California. Both groups are clear in their intentions to roll back domestic partnership rights, not just prevent same sex marriages. The two efforts are in a battle with each other over which initiative strikes the larger blow to state recognition of same sex partnerships. The ProtectMarriage.com people state that their constitutional amendment “would prevent any law from recognizing, or giving rights on the basis of, other personal relationships that attempt to imitate marriage, such as homosexual ‘domestic partnerships’ or ‘civil unions.’” The other group, VoteYesMarriage.com, has written an initiative that explicitly eliminates all domestic partnership recognition, from any governmental body in the state. That is, even San Francisco couldn’t give DP rights to their municipal workers.

If either one of these initiatives makes it to the ballot, I expect the arguments listed on their websites to disappear and be replaced with deceptive spin. Most Californians support DP recognition and are split evenly on legalizing gay marriage. Rather than stating their honest intentions, they’ll do what they did in 2000 for Proposition 22. They will lie.

Here’s what the Prop. 22 proponents were saying during the 2000 campaign:

" ‘We have run a positive, respectful, tolerant campaign that does not take away anyone's rights," said Robert Glazier, communications director for Yes On 22. ‘We believe there is a loophole in California law that needs to be closed.’

That loophole, Glazier said Friday, might allow ‘activist judges’ in other states to affect the social fabric of California.

‘If we're going to redefine marriage in this state, that's fine. But it should be done in California, by Californians.’”

Precinct walkers, sent by the Mormon Church, spoke from the same talking points: “[Prop. 22 is necessary] so that California will not be forced to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states. Californians will be the only ones who will determine California law about marriage.”

The "Yes on 22" campaign argued that its simple 14-word initiative was merely intended to ensure that California isn’t forced to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states. The official ballot statements in favor of the initiative led Californians to believe that supporters had no beef with domestic partnership recognitions, hollering ”THE TRUTH IS, PROPOSITION 22 DOESN’T TAKE AWAY ANYONE’S RIGHTS.”

Yet, since the passage of Prop. 22, the same folks have been working feverishly to oppose all domestic partnership legislation in California. Randy Thomassan of Campaign for Children and Families (the heterosexual kind), can’t stop arguing that Californians really wanted to deny any rights gay couples when they voted for Prop. 22.

Six years later, Californians, by and large, are more supportive of equal right, not less. If you see any signature gatherers in front of Albertson's, remind them they're not in Texas.

IRS says peace sermon is political activity

The Internal Revenue Service has warned the All Saints Episcopal Church in Pasadena that it could lose its tax-exempt status because of an anti-war sermon given two days before the 2004 presidential election.

The guest preacher, fully aware of IRS rules prohibiting non-profits from endorsing candidates, was careful not to take a stand for Kerry or Bush, but did preach on the immorality of the Iraq war.

``Our obligation is to enforce the law, which prohibits all charities from engaging in political activities,'' IRS Commissioner Mark W. Everson has said.

Thus, pacifism is considered political activity, not religious conviction. How far will this go? Perhaps, Catholics ought to cease greeting each other with “Peace be with you” lest they risk steep fines. Churches who indulge in dove imagery are also skating on thin ice. Buddhists and Unitarians? Just forget it. Hire a CPA. Your tax-free days are numbered.

Meanwhile, rightwing Christian behemoth, the Christian Broadcasting Network, maintains its tax-exempt status despite Pat Robertson’s daily political diatribes on his 700 Club television broadcast. When he’s not claiming to heal people on his TV show (Terri, I’m receiving a word of knowledge right now that there’s someone with some sort of intestinal problem that’s causing horrendous flatulence. God is healing that right now. Hallelujah!), Robertson is calling for the U.S. to assassinate the Venezuelan president, advocating for ultra-conservative Supreme Court nominees, attacking gay rights, and defending Bush’s war in Iraq.

Incredibly, Focus on the Family is also tax exempt, despite James Dobson’s status as one of the most influential political figures in the nation. In October, rather than going on CNN, he used his tax-exempt radio program to reveal his conversations with Karl Rove about Harriet Miers. Political activity? Um, yes.

Preachers, talk about Jesus all you want, especially if you have the inside scoop on what he would have thought about gay marriage or Judge Alito. Just don’t call him the Prince of Peace.

The Not-So-Naked Guy

Alongside news of California’s special election, a deadly tornado in Indiana and riots in Paris, the L.A. Times had plenty of space to feature Jacob Authier, a Chapman college junior who has made a habit of puttering around campus—gasp!—topless. Gee, a male student in college goes to class in sunny SoCal without a shirt. Alert the media. Wait. Someone did. And the media bit. AP picked up the story and it’s now all over the country.

Why, in my day, you’d have to walk around campus buck naked to draw anyone’s attention. Whatever happened to Berkeley student Andrew Martinez, a bona fide nudist with a smokin' body, who bared all on campus for several months in the early 1990s? Back then, we had “The Naked Guy.” Now, we have “The Fellow Without a Shirt.” What has the world come to?

A few years ago, you couldn’t turn on the television without getting mooned by Dennis Franz. In a post-wardrobe-malfunction world, it won’t be long before TV networks have to pixilate the crotches of Olympic divers.

Just when I was lamenting the untimely death of public nudity, along came “Breasts Not Bombs” to the rescue. Today, in Sacramento, the anti-war group pulled a publicity stunt on the steps of the California capitol, stripping off their tops to show their disdain for Governor Schwarzenegger’s ballot initiatives. They were women, which meant, of course, that the California Highway Patrol had to arrest them for indecent exposure and disorderly conduct.

A CHP officer explained that they were told to arrest the protesters if there was—I think I heard this right—any exposure of “nipples and areola.”

I just don’t get why the nipple and areola are considered so darn offensive. I saw a show on breast augmentation surgery on Discovery Health. The bleeding incision was shown in all its gore, but someone felt the need to blur out the poor, maligned areola.

A nubby protrusion with a colored circle around it. No big deal, is it? I’ve got pretty much the same equipment and no one has ever forced me to wear a pastie in public.

Where are they going to draw the line? What if a protester’s gender was not obvious? Did the CHP ask the women for biological evidence that they were indeed women? What about all those men who have boobs? Shouldn’t they be arrested too?

Jacob Authier, your daring act of self-expression has earned you 15 minutes of fame. Enjoy it—and use a good sunscreen.

Weekend Update

Since SNL is on a break this week, here's a little fake news:


During the Summit of the Americas, a reporter asked the president how he would react if he crossed paths with Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez, who has been highly critical of the Bush Administration. “Well, I will, of course, be polite,” the president responded. “That's what the American people expect their President to do, is to be a polite person. And I will -- if I run across him, I will do just that.” An embarrassed Karl Rove later admonished aides to stop the practice of routing talking points to the president's mother.

Bush's pledge of politeness was shortlived. Throughout that afternoon's proceedings, he was observed slouching in his chair and listening to his iPod.



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President Bush’s approval rating dropped to 37 percent this week, the lowest of his presidency. When a reporter asked Bush for comment, the president pointed in the air and yelled, “Look! Over there! Bird flu!” and fled to his waiting helicopter.








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Famiglia Cristiana, a popular Catholic magazine in Italy, is drawing protests from its readers over an advertisement that shows a naked woman’s bottom through a shower door. The U.S. Federal Communications Commission is investigating the incident.






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To pay for Hurricane Katrina recovery efforts, Republicans in Congress and the president are proposing major cuts to domestic programs such as Medicare, Medicaid and food stamps. When asked what poor Americans who will be cut off from the federal programs will do, Bush responded, “Hey, join the army. We'll give you free healthcare and plenty of food. It’s a great program.”

Me Blog Pretty One Day

I have a confession to make. Until I started this blog, I was—and still am—embarrassingly new to the blogosphere. I am but a young Padwan, and I have much to learn.

Launching a blog without any knowledge of the "masters" now seems akin to composing your first opera before you've heard of Verdi.

Though I had come across a few blogs previously, I now must come clean. My first time reading the Daily Kos was yesterday. Kos, I learned, gets 20 million visits a month, in the top five according to Kos himself. He is a guy, right?

A little piece of advice from His Blogness revealed that I've already started wrong, all wrong. "Get away from Blogspot," he says. But I just got on it! I take it that having a blog on Blogspot is akin to sporting an AOL email address. You just won't be taken seriously. Or maybe it’s a case of blogsnobbery.

I also read somewhere that the average blogger spends more than three hours a day working on blog stuff while at work. Well, now that's starting to sound like a problem, a nasty habit. If that happens to me I hope my friends and family stage an intervention.

A couple of days ago, my dear friend, Amy, may not have realized that she had just clued me in to the concept of blogrolls. I played it off like Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom when he claims he's going to re-wire the house and Martin Mull says, "Oh, so are you doing it all in 220?"

"Yeah, 220, 221, whatever it takes."

I think I'll probably have a little party the first time someone links to me. It'll be like having a secret admirer. A little ego trip.

But I hope it's not about egos. Kos and the cabal of progressive bloggers I'm just beginning to discover are changing the political landscape. Congress is debating whether blogs should be subject to campaign finance restrictions. Candidates for office are placing paid ads on popular blog sites. This is a big deal, but you knew that.

Bear with me as I learn and experiment and discover where this little blog wants to go. I’m reminded of Amy’s first garden, the subject of her delightful first book, From the Ground Up. She was a mere novice when she first sunk a spade into the rich soil in the backyard of her Santa Cruz bungalow. As she learned from trial and error and sage advice from experienced gardeners, numerous planting beds were moved, replanted, and ripped out. Many plants struggled. Many experiments failed. Others flourished. I’m sure she now laughs at some of the rookie mistakes she made early on. The important thing is she started. Her garden is now a masterpiece—and so is her blog.

Even if it is on Blogspot.

Doctor No Way

I had a close call today picking a new primary health physician. I wanted to find a gay-friendly doctor, but my health care provider, which shall remain nameless (rhymes with geyser spermanente), doesn’t provide any guidance. I searched the online directory and was about to choose one of the few doctors available nearby, but a little red flag went up when I read in his bio that he is associated with a “faith-based” clinic.

A Google search revealed that this doctor pays annual dues to associate himself with an organization called the Christian Medical Association, 17,000 doctors strong. Their mission statement says they exist “to glorify God by influencing their families, colleagues, and patients toward a right relationship with Jesus Christ.” And when these folks talk about a “mission,” they know of what they speak.

Might I humbly suggest that you go to their search engine to determine whether your physician has chosen to associate with this group?

If a doctor whose ulterior motive is to get you saved isn’t enough, check out their stunningly sanctimonious issue statements.

I am not going to turn my head and cough for someone who believes that “homosexual behavior is destructive to the structures necessary for healthy marriages, families and society.”

This isn’t just Evangelical boilerplate language. They’ve really spent a lot of time developing these intolerant positions. To justify their statements of belief, they even have compiled an annotated reference list, with a list of Bible verses and the usual list of bogus science that attempts to make the case that homosexuality can and should be suppressed. Call me crazy, but if I want to ask my doctor if Cialis is right for me, I prefer that he look to the Physician's Desk Reference, not the New Testament, for guidance.

What this stuff has to do with providing sound medical care is beyond me. Why do these Christian doctors find it necessary to pronounce that “Christians should oppose legislative attempts to grant special rights based on sexual behavior or to equate homosexual relationships with heterosexual marriages."

Why does it matter if my doctor shares a pew with the Dobson and Robertson crowd? It’s important because I need to be able to trust that my doctor isn’t going to vomit during a discussion of sexual history.

These doctors thumb their noses at the American Medical Association, which believes that “the physician's nonjudgmental recognition of sexual orientation and behavior enhances the ability to render optimal patient care in health as well as in illness.”

Instead, the CMA “opposes the practice of homosexual acts on biblical, medical, and social grounds.” With doctors like these, it’s no wonder one-third of gays and lesbians do not disclose their sexual orientation. The Gay and Lesbian Medical Association is finding that this impacts patient health outcomes in a variety of ways.

So until my provider offers a directory of gay-affirming doctors I can choose from, I guess I’ll just go with the German guy who likes hiking and travel to exotic places.

Separated at birth?

OK, I wouldn't mistake John Roberts and Sam Alito for twins, but they both sure look particularly white and male today.

I wonder if Laura is speaking to George. She, like Justice O'Connor and scores of others, urged Bush to nominate a woman to fill the vacancy on the Supreme Court.

"But Laura," he'll say, "I did nominate a woman. You never said you wanted me to get one actually confirmed."

I remain ambivalent about the prospect of Democratic-led filibusters and such. As much as I abhor where the president's picks are likely to take the Supreme Court, these are the spoils of the 2004 election. Bush won. Humanity lost.

Instead of TV campaigns that urge the Senate to pose tough questions to Bush's nominee, the progressive movement should spend money to remind people why it is so important to elect a president that represents the values they hold. That's where we can and should make a difference.

And, a third of the Senate will be up for election in 2006. That's our next chance to stop Bush from continuing to fill the courts with far right wing conservatives. It's only by taking back the Senate that Bush will be forced to nominate people acceptable to Democrats.

Dental anguish

What’s the deal with the pockets in my gums (he asks in a Seinfeld-nasal voice)? My dentist has been haranguing me about the depth of these pockets between my gums and back teeth. Before he started digging in there a couple of years ago, I had never heard of such a thing.

I have pretty good teeth. In fact, the hygienist was so gaga over them in my last visit, she made me blush. She was smitten with my smile. If I had to be put under, I would not want to be left alone in the same room with this woman.

Though it was just a little creepy, I was feeling really good. Then the dentist came in.

He’s the kind of guy that would advise Picasso that “Guernica” looks pretty good, but maybe he ought to touch up some of those errant brush strokes and add some color.

But he hasn’t broken my spirit yet, and I really do like him. He gives me a delicate balance of guilt trip and fear—enough to encourage a “fight,” not a “flight” response. Somehow, he’s inspired me to floss like never before and, at his suggestion, I go through two cycles on my Oral-B toothbrush every morning and night. By doing deep knee-bends at the same time, I pass the time and get in a four-minute power work out.

A few years ago, if a dentist pressed me on how often I floss, I wouldn’t even bother lying about it. “Remember two years ago, the last time I was in your office?” I’d say. “Yeah, that was last day I flossed.” Their scare tactics had no effect on me. So, I have to give my new doctor credit.

He’s just so hard to please. Is he just really anal or are my teeth actually about to start falling out? I checked into it. It turns out the reason I had never experienced the joys of pocket probing was that periodontitis doesn’t pop up for most people until they’re in their thirties. Alas, I've been hit with my first age-driven health problem.

When they first started poking me with their measuring probe and calling out numbers, “4-5-3-4-2-4-3” and on and on, I had no idea what they were doing. Now, I understand that a 2 puts me on the honor roll, a 3 means I’ve been a good boy, a 4 means I’m just not applying myself, and a 5 means I’m a no-good lout.

With stigmatization like this, it may be high time for a rubber bracelet for gum disease awareness.