Saturday, November 12, 2005

Weekend Update

Here is some more fake news for you:
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On Friday, President Bush struck back at critics who claim he misled the country into war, asserting that “more than 100 Democrats in the House and the Senate voted to support removing Saddam Hussein from power. We all had access to the same intelligence that my administration fabricated.”

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Saturday Night Live, in its 31st season, continues to draw praise for its ethnically diverse cast. Commented Executive Producer Lorne Michaels, “Our show is richer and appeals to a wider audience with multicultural performers. That’s what I’ve always believed…and that Asians aren’t funny.”

When reminded that former cast member Rob Schneider is half Filipino and half Jewish, he remarked, “Yeah, well, I think we can all agree that I hired the Jewish half.”

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The cardboard box was inducted into The National Toy Hall of Fame on Friday because the cardboard box ignites the imagination like no other toy. Snubbed again this year—mashed potatoes and boogers.

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In spite of all the obesity warnings, fast food is making a comeback in America. KFC is doing so well, the company is considering bringing back its original name, Kentucky Fried Chicken. Following suit, Burger King is pondering a name change to The Lard Hut and McDonalds may become McFatAss.



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Author Nicole Ritchie acknowledged on the Today Show that the main character in her new
novel, Chloe Parker, is loosely based on her own life. Like Nicole, Parker is privileged party girl who cannot write worth a damn.




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California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger decided to end his year-long fight with the state's nursing union, but only after having his well chiseled ass handed to him on a platter on Tuesday. Said an unusually contrite governor to the nurses, "C'mon now. I didn't mean to hurt you. It won't happen again. It's just I was under a lot of stress. And you made me mad. You know I love you."


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