Tonight we're going to our third potluck of the holiday season with two more to go. I haven't decided what to cook. My family has a broccoli casserole recipe that is a staple for holiday dinners. It's become something of a hit at potlucks, but I'm reluctant to become that guy who always brings the broccoli dish. People like it--it gives the illusion of adding something healthy to their plate, to balance out fattening meats and mounds of mashed potatoes erupting with gravy.
But, any semblance of healthiness is just an illusion. The broccoli is merely a filler to cloak a full cube of butter, a roll of Ritz crackers and a half-pound of cheese. And that's the other thing--the tasty broccoli casserole is to a gourmet cook as finger painting is to an artist. There's nothing gourmet or sophisticated about it. I'm almost embarrassed to distribute the recipe and reveal that I use Velveeta. This dish is pure Americana, and I'm more of a California fusion cuisine kind of guy.
I do enjoy a good potluck, but it is a quirky experience for the gourmand. By definition, you never know exactly what you're going to get. If your pot has some luck, you won't end up with 15 potato salads and one liter of Pepsi. Smarter potluck hosts take a little luck out of the equation by assigning courses to attendees.
But just assigning people a course still results in a hodgepodge of selections that may not mix well. On Thursday, we had a potluck at work and I had barbecue sauce running into my chicken enchiladas and green goddess dressing dripping onto my egg roll. I love a variety of ethnic foods but not necessarily all mixed on the same plate. Chefs give a lot of thought to how foods go together. There's a reason you can't order sashimi at Olive Garden and you can't get pepperoni pizza with your udon noodles.
I can get over that, but as the potluck season continues in full gear, we should all heed the following rules of potluck etiquette:
1. Bring your own serving utensils. Nothing is worse than stalling a potluck buffet line while guests have to serve their own soup with a plastic teaspoon because you didn't bring a ladle. Don't expect that the host will have one for you.
2. Your dish should be ready to serve. At a potluck I attended this week, someone brought a bone-in ham but offered no assistance in divvying it up. Without a knife and a serving fork, it sat at the buffet table untouched, like a centerpiece to give homage to carnivorous living without actually facilitating its occurrence.
3. If you don't cook, you have two choices: (1) Don't come to the party, or (2) offer to handle other non-edible necessities like cups, napkins and plates. And one or two guests who are particularly kitchen-phobic get to bring the beverages. Bringing a bag of potato chips is not an option. At a potluck buffet, I regard store-bought items as if they were parsley sprigs--pretty adornments that are not actually meant for eating. Thanks for adding some color to the table.
4. If you are going to be a little late, bring a dessert. If you're going to be really late, don't bother coming. On Thursday, some poor sap showed up after everyone had already been through the buffet line once or twice. Everything would have been fine if he had brought in a homemade cheesecake, but he brought an appetizer. And as an added infraction, the appetizer was a cheese and cracker plate from the grocery store. As he was tearing open a plastic packet of cheddar cheese blocks, I wondered if he really expected everyone to jump up and come back to the buffet table for another round.
5. Avoid poisoning other guests--it's very uncouth. Use proper hygiene when preparing food, especially with meat. Keep hot foods hot and cold foods cold. Bring your own Crock Pot, chafing dish or other warmer. Use ice to keep cold dishes cold. True, with the multitude of dishes, it's not likely that you will be fingered as the culprit, but don't push your luck.
And here, for your enjoyment, is our family broccoli recipe. Just let me know if we're going to the same potluck.
BROCCOLI AND CHEESE CASSEROLE
2 pkg. (10 oz.) frozen or same volume of fresh chopped broccoli
1 (8 oz.) pkg. Velveeta cheese, diced or for snobs, use Kraft "Old English" cheese
1 sleeve Ritz crackers (or cheaper, healthier alternative crackers)
1 cube of butter or margarine
Cook broccoli as directed on package or steam fresh broccoli until tender. Crush crackers and the melted butter. Add the diced cheese and half the cracker mixture to the broccoli. Mix over low heat until cheese is melted. Pour into a 1 1/2 or 2 quart casserole and cover with the remainder of the cracker mixture. Bake at 375 degrees for 30 minutes or until top is slightly browned. This recipe is easy to double and you'll want to have some leftovers anyway.
Tags: potluck, etiquette
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5 comments:
I'll have to try your recipe next potluck. We just had one where I work and a number of people preferred to give money rather than cook. My favorite excuse was "it's hard to bring food on the bus." I see people bring food on the bus all the time.
But I know what you mean about observing the "rules". We only have microwaves - no stove - but some people will still bring something like pasta that needs to be cooked on a burner. Or they don't bring a serving dish and complain that someone else used the dish they were planning on using.
We've had two potlucks now where we did not use a sign up sheet and it worked out okay. We had a nice mix of food and drinks. We did run out of store beverages except for milk, but we had a couple of canisters of Country Time lemonade mix and made up pitchers of lemonade. A good time was had by most. Of course, I'm in the Midwest where the potluck dishes are likely to be comfort foods.
A favorite potluck contribution when I was growing up (initially created by my mother to make certain the young Yaks actually consumed something reasonably approximating a vegetable) was called "green rice" - and it's a good sub-in if you don't mind being "the guy who always brings the green thing" rather than "Broccoli man." I think it's a step up.
Cooked Rice (white or wild)
Steamed broccoli or asparagus, cut in relatively small pieces.
Stick butter, melted.
White or yellow cheddar Cheese (as much as you like - usually this means a lot).
Mix rice, vegetable, cheese and butter. Add cheese on top. Bake at 350 until cheese browns.
Even a yak can make it, and it's inclined to disappear at pot luck buffets.
If you tell anyone yaks can cook, I'll deny it.
I think your potluck rules should be law. We just had our Holiday potluck at work yesterday and people signed up to bring stuff and then brought other stuff. That pisses me off. If you can't bring what YOU signed for, then don't come.
Potluck freeloaders are in desperate need of the rules of etiquette. There are some who consistantly bring nothing (always some tired excuse) and are the first ones to eat and then have the nerve to eat again. Bring SOMETHING or don't eat!!!
Wow! Very well laid out rules. Wish I could share them with my friends. I couldn't stop laughing cuz I have exactly the same problems with two different potluck groups of friends. There is no better way to ruin a friendship than be part of a potluck!!
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